Depending on what your zodiac sign is, your insecurity in a relationship could range from worrying that you’ll never be as financially successful as your partner to being afraid of them leaving you after finding out your flaws, according to astrology experts. While you won’t be able to wave goodbye to your insecurity the moment you figure out what it is, knowing what to look out for can help you understand the way your mind works better. Plus, you can let your partner know if there’s anything that they can do to help you feel more safe.
“By learning your astrological sun sign tendencies and those of your friends and lovers, you can truly understand yourself,” Amy Zerner, an astrologer and co-author of Astrology for Wellness, tells Bustle.
This could encompass a wide range of traits, from your love life issues to your compatibility with your partner. If one or both people in a relationship feel insecure about themselves, the relationship is going to have a strong sense of insecurity about it and it may eventually prove unsatisfying, she says. Understanding how your zodiac sign informs the way you act in a relationship can help you accept yourself for who you are, plus identify any areas where you could grow.
Here’s the biggest insecurity you have in a relationship, according to experts.
1. Aries (March 21 – April 19): Having To Work At The Relationship
“Inside anyone who has strong Aries influences you’ll find a sweet, innocent, childlike soul,” Monte Farber, an astologer and co-author of The Enchanted Love Tarot, tells Bustle. As an Aries, your insecurity probably lies in the fact that you feel like you have to work hard to make things the way they should be, he says. For example, maybe you have to really work at communicating with your partner, when it seems like it comes easily to them. Try not to get discouraged when it seems like you have to put in more effort to share your feelings or connect with your partner. Focusing on the areas that you are really strong in, like showing affection, staying loyal, or being romantic, can help build your confidence.
2. Taurus (April 20 – May 20): That You Won’t Be Successful
As a Taurus, you love the best things in life, whether that means buying gourmet ingredients or going to see all of the best shows. But you probably also fear that you won’t have enough resources to make your dreams come true, Zerner says. This insecurity can also affect your relationship by making you begin to resent a partner who makes more money than you or feeling inadequate when you plan a less costly date. Having big dreams can be an enormous strength, but be sure to extend yourself some grace as you journey toward the success you so want. With the right partner, a simple night of face masks and slice-and-bake cookies is all you could ask for.
3. Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Not Being Understood
Everyone changes their mind every so often. But as a Gemini, you can vary so much that your changeability can sometimes be annoying to your partner, Farber says, and this can be a major point of insecurity for you. Your partner might be frustrated when you consistently drop and pick up new passions, or when your emotions can vary a lot in a short span of time. Instead of trying to change yourself to be more conventionally “stable,” make sure that you keep communicating with your partner as your interests or feelings change. Being open with them means that they don’t have to work very hard to figure out what you’re experiencing at a given time.
4. Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Being Rejected
“At the first sign of ridicule or criticism, Cancerians will retreat, deeply hurt,” Zerner says. “Cancerians sometimes hold back because they fear rejection and, therefore, may lose out on their quest for relationships.”
You probably care deeply about what people think about you, whether they’re a potential love interest or your long-term partner. But instead of consistently worrying about whether your partner will reject your opinion, try to summon the courage to speak up. It may even be helpful to express this insecurity to them, so that they can assure you that they love you — flaws and all.
5. Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): An Unsatisfying Love
Everybody who wants to fall in love wants it to be a deep, passionate love — the kind of love that will last the rest of your life. But as a Leo, your ideas about what love should look like can sometimes skew your perception of whether your relationship is healthy or not.
“To Leo, love is a dramatic ideal,” Farber says.
Sometimes, this means that if your partner does not act or seem like your idea of the perfect love interest, you begin to doubt the relationship. Instead of feeling insecure when you and your partner go through a period when you feel more like friends or get caught up in the business of daily life, embrace those lulls. They are temporary, normal, and will make the passionate times more precious.
6. Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Your Partner Knowing Your Flaws
“Virgos who are unable to stop themselves from worrying about everyone and everything display the self-limiting tendency of their sign,” Zerner says. “They can get so bogged down attending to unimportant details that they miss the big picture.”
But as a Virgo, the biggest insecurity that you have in a relationship is the worry that once your partner gets close enough to know you with all of your secrets and flaws, they will realize that you aren’t perfect and leave, she says. During a moment when you feel this way, take the time to write down a few of your partner’s characteristics that could be considered flaws, and then remind yourself that you still love them deeply, regardless of whether they forget to take out the trash or have no sense of direction.
7. Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Being Indecisive
“Sometimes, fearful of discord, Libras become paralyzed with indecision,” Farber says. “They easily see the value of another person’s point of view.”
If you don’t have a clear opinion about something, though, you can have a hard time making a decision. This can make you feel insecure when you have trouble picking a restaurant for date night or can’t figure out which new apartment to move into with your partner. “Libras believe deeply in the power of communication in any relationship,” he says, so remember to tell your partner when you’re feeling indecisive. They’ll probably be glad to help you choose.
8. Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Jealousy
As a Scorpio, you love your partner deeply and fully. But your ability to love is very intense, which can sometimes lead you to be obsessed with your love for someone. While this can be OK when you’re with your partner, being separated by a business trip or a dinner with friends can make you insecure, Zerner says. Not only is being away from each other unpleasant for you, but it can actually be painful.
“It can be hard for a Scorpio to keep from being wildly jealous if [they feel] that someone is trying to steal the affections of the one [they] love,” she says.
Fight this jealousy by making a point to get to know your partner’s friends so that their time with your partner doesn’t feel quite as threatening to you.
9. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Belonging To Someone Else
You never truly belong to someone else, even when you’re in a committed, long-term relationship with them. But joining your life with someone else’s can sometimes feel like giving up your own personhood, which is probably your biggest insecurity as a Sagittarius. In fact, any fears you have about being deeply in love are because you feel like you have to give away a piece of yourself in doing so, Farber says. If you’re feeling smothered by your partner, let them know that you could use a little more alone time. Then, pick up a new hobby that’s all yours, and use that as an opportunity to connect with yourself.
10. Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): How Your Partner Views You
“Capricorn people have very deep and real emotional needs that can slow them down considerably or even stop them in their tracks,” Zerner says. “Capricorns may choose to hide their feelings for fear of appearing weak.”
Because you care so deeply about how others perceive you, you probably struggle to be honest about who you are because you’re afraid of judgement from your partner. Maybe you haven’t been totally truthful about the fact that you’ve been going through a hard time, or maybe you’re scared to speak up when they say something you disagree with. Take a moment to reflect on your own feelings of wanting to be there to support your partner during their difficult moments. This can help remind you that they want to do the same.
11. Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Not Knowing Yourself
Some folks are so sure of who they are that they rarely take the time to question their identity. But others, like an Aquarius, don’t have such a firm grasp on themselves.
“Inside anyone who has strong Aquarian influences is a person who is extremely uncertain of their true identity,” Farber says. “The Aquarius ego is the most precarious in the zodiac, because it is the sign of nonconformity. … Aquarians may misread or even second-guess their own emotions.”
Once you are in a committed relationship, though, this insecurity about who you areshould start to subside. If you’re still frustrated, embrace the fact that you aren’t sure, and use it as an opportunity to learn a new skill, try out a new style, or pick up a new hobby.
12. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Having Trouble Dealing With Problems
“Piscean people often feel dragged down by problems around them yet are frustrated by their inability to do anything to make them better,” Zerner says. This can sometimes lead to finding solace in unhealthy ways, instead of dealing with the situation. “They can sometimes appear to be delicate, helpless, or vulnerable,” she says, “but being loved enables Pisceans to cope very well with a range of difficulties, problems, and tragedies and allows their spiritual nature to blossom.” So be sure to ask your partner for affirmation of the things that you’re doing well so that you’ll be encouraged to take on those problems that are still looming.
Whether you’re insecure about the fact that you have unrealistic expectations for love or that you’re always worried about what your partner thinks of you, be sure to be patient with yourself. In the same way that your partner loves you, extend yourself love.