All of us have experienced this at least once in our lives. You meet a guy, he asks you for your number. Then you spend a few hours or a day super-excited and waiting for him to get back to you and he does.
Next scene – the two of you exchange texts, you hear from each other and you eventually arrange a date. Then you meet, you go to the movies or you go out for drinks or whatever and you have the time of your life. You feel butterflies in your stomach and your heart skips a beat every time you think of him.
You think that’s it, he is the one. There’s no need in searching any further. You know you connected and that should do it – this man should be your happily ever after man.
At this ‘almost perfect’ point, suddenly something changes. He disappears or he cools down. And why does this happen? Why does he simply fade away or completely ghost you?
This is so frustrating for most girls because one minute everything is in perfect order and the next, it’s like the two of you have never met. He simply gets turned off.
Girls get turned off as well, but after a few dates, they will turn down the guy they were dating but usually for a reason. Either they were too desperate, too clingy, or just not a good match for them. But guys are different. They will just ghost you all of a sudden with no valid reason – at least not one you can think of.
Today they act like you don’t exist and they don’t answer your texts, but yesterday they were all over you, texting you how much they missed you, the whole damn day.
Guys will find themselves turned off suddenly, with no desire to connect again.
Why does this happen?
This is extremely hard to pinpoint because you would have to enter and analyze a human mind and the way it works, and so far, no one has entirely succeeded in doing so. There are so many things yet to be explored. But one of the most possible things could be that you maybe came off too strong by forcing love and sending out the wrong vibe.
The first few dates, you’re easy-going and relaxed because you’re still exploring your options. You’re still unsure whether you want to be with this guy or not. But, after things heat up a bit, you realize that he may be the right one for you.
Although you don’t want to show that you don’t want to lose him because you’re hooked on him, somehow your vibe sells you out. You can’t help but fantasize about your future together and you are trying too hard not to lose him.
You hold on to this fantasy so hard because you don’t want to lose it, although you never had it. Then your fear of losing him starts to float to the surface and presents itself in the worst possible scenario and you start to treat him as an object of your personal desire instead of a human being.
Guys can sense this. Guys can see right through your intentions. You’ve imagined this fantasy of being with him, and you will do anything it takes to make it come true, but unintentionally, you’re losing him in the process because you’re forgetting he is a human being with feelings that you’ve completely ignored.
Why do women do this?
Mostly, they do it because they are feeling insecure. Women are usually scared they will end up alone, or that their time for finding love is up. Maybe all of their friends are married or in serious relationships, so they feel pressured to be in a relationship as well.
So, what do they do, they cling on to the first guy who they think is good enough or worthy of their attention. In fact, at that point, the man becomes the object of their desire, a thing they want, not the person, not love – an object. They do this unconsciously and out of fear. There is no intention of hurting anyone.
So, when this happens, he gets distant all of a sudden because he feels like you’re trying to get something out of him, something that you need. He feels like you are taking advantage of him. In one way, you are, but you’re not doing this on purpose.
But, in many cases, guys don’t get what’s happening. They don’t even know they think they are being used, but their instinct tells them to get away from you. This happens at the point when a woman can’t act relaxed and easy-going. At this point, she can’t hide from him that she has pushed their ‘newbie’ relationship to a pro level.
But, things don’t work that way. You have to let some time pass and let things take their natural course. You can’t expect to have everything right at the beginning.
Love can’t be forced.
Don’t obsess with the fact that you are the only one in your group who hasn’t found somebody yet. Maybe that is for a reason. Maybe God is sparing you of a broken heart or emotional abuse and letting you be alone until the right man comes your way.
So, don’t force love because you won’t be happy. You’ll think you’re happy at the beginning, but soon, that void you’re trying to fill by forcing yourself to love someone will be bigger and bigger, so nothing will be enough to fill it.
If you start thinking right at the beginning that your new relationship is something or if you imagine the two of you in the distant future, you’ll send off the wrong kind of vibe and you will scare that man off.
It’s the only the beginning. You have to get to know each other. You have to get used to the person who is a part of your life now. You can’t just decide that he is the one you will spend the rest of your life with because that is not the only one important component of a happy and lifelong relationship.
If you only just started dating, give your relationship a bit more time to grow before taking the next step. Let the man you’re dating get to know the real you and not your vision of yourself with him in the distant future. Give the two of you time to discover yourselves and the opportunity to appreciate and respect yourselves for what you are.
The most important thing you can do is to bring the best version of yourself to the table. Be genuine, don’t fantasize about the future before it’s time to do so. Let go and let things develop as they should because there is always a reason for everything. Maybe that guy is not the one for you, so don’t force him to be.