Heartbreaks are an emotional mess and enormous pain but being broken is even worse. Being broken means having your soul ripped apart, your confidence lost and your dreams non-existent.
Being broken means losing your lust for life. It means not being able to get up out of your bed because you see no point.
Being broken means thinking that you will never be able to put yourself back together. You believe you are damaged beyond repair. Your spirit is crushed and you have no willpower.
You are breaking bit by bit with every day you spend with someone who is emotionally abusive. Sadly, I know that too well.
You are unaware that you love someone who is unworthy of love, someone who abuses your good nature, someone who finds it easy to manipulate you because he is aware of how strong your feelings for him are.
How could I be so blind? Why didn’t I see all the red flags waving in front of my face?
It was almost like I was brainwashed. And now that I look at it, I probably was. All the mind games he pulled on me, I was unable me to think straight.
The worst part of it is that I loved him. I loved him with all I had, even when I saw what he was doing to me. I embellished the truth. I kept lying to myself that he was not all that bad.
That he would change. That I just had to be patient and wait until he realized just how much effort I was putting into the relationship.
I wanted to change him. I wanted to change him so badly. But people like him never change, they only get worse.
Staying by his side too long made me broken and believe me when I say that is more than a heartbreak. It’s the worst thing that can happen to you emotionally.
You lose control over your life.
You become unable to function properly. It’s like you are looking at your life from afar but you are not actively participating in it.
You can’t maintain your focus on anything you do. You fall behind at work and in life because all you can think about is the things you went through.
You find yourself unable to breathe properly and anxiety brings you down.
You wake up in the middle of the night because he has the lead role in your nightmares. Everything seems so real and you are back in the cruel embrace of your past.
Your self-esteem is crushed.
You become so insecure and you find yourself unable to make a decision. You listen to everyone but yourself because you don’t trust yourself either anymore.
You are mad at yourself because you let this continue for so long.
You are mad because you couldn’t find the strength to leave sooner. You can’t believe just how much you went through and what you endured in the name of love. Thinking about it just deepens your pain.
You can’t stop the tears from falling.
You become so vulnerable that the mere thought of your past relationship fills your eyes with tears.
You wish you were stronger and that you could handle things better but everything seems so hard and unbearable.
But although you are broken, you are still breathing.
Every day is a struggle, that’s true. You struggle to get out of bed. You struggle to go to work. You struggle with your thoughts, pain and occasional numbness.
But you survive. You patch those broken parts of yourself and you become stronger with every day that passes.
You became guarded, you became cautious and unable to trust anyone, you became someone you didn’t recognize but who you still were deep down.
Your heart is still beating in your brokenness.
You will realize that being broken is an excruciatingly painful experience but it shapes you into the person you were always supposed to be.
You learn just how strong you really are. You didn’t know you even had that much strength in you. You start a new life with a whole new outlook and brand new horizons in front of you.
You breathe and thank God because you are finally free from his chains.
Trust me when I say that even when you are completely broken, you will heal. Trust me because against all odds, I healed too.