We’ve been going around in circles for what seems like ages now. You pushing me away only to pull me closer when I want to leave. You breaking me over and over again and still promising me the sun and stars, saying how I make you the luckiest man alive. Promising me lifelong love and everything I could ever wish for. But somehow, you couldn’t understand that you were everything I wished for. Nothing else, just you and your love.
There is nothing you can do to make me forget about all those times I felt betrayed. About all those times you looked at another woman right in front of me. I know that look of complete adoration because you used to give it to me. I know that look when you want to have someone because you used to want to have me. And there is nothing you can do now to make me forget how it feels like I’m not enough. I know my worth perfectly well, but you still managed to make me doubt it. You still managed to make me feel like I’m not worthy and well, screw you for it.
There is nothing you can do to heal this broken heart anymore. It’s funny, actually. I used to believe that when you are in a relationship with someone you love and that person loves you, your heart can’t be broken. How could it? You two are together. You fight for each other and you fight together. But you proved me wrong. Now I know how it feels to have your heart broken by the same person that healed it once. Now I know how it feels when the person that literally owns your heart stomps on it and walks away.
There is nothing you can do to make me forget the pain you caused. I don’t think you are even aware of how much pain you caused. You could never understand why it hurts when I’m trying so hard to ignore my phone that stays silent no matter how much I want it to make a sound. You could never understand why it hurts to throw away the dinner I made for the two of us. You could never understand how much it hurts to take off the dress and make up I put on for our anniversary to make it special. But then again, how could you? You were never there to see it.
There is nothing you can say that can convince me you love me. Not anymore. I can see right through your lies. When you promise me that you will give me time, it means that you will steal mine. When you promise me that you will change, it means that hoping in vain will break me once more. When you promise me the love I longed for so long, it means that my heart will end up shattered once more. Maybe there was a time you could make me believe, maybe there was the time when I wanted to believe you. But that time is long gone because you put me through hell and you called it love. I’ve loved a man that only truly loved himself, and honestly, I’m f..king done with it. You will never know how to love me back, unless I start wearing a bloody mirror on my face.
There is nothing you can do now to make me stay, because I’m finally done with you. I’m done with us. Because there wasn’t an ‘us’ to begin with. It was me who loved. It was me who fought. It was me who tried. I finally know that no matter what I do, you will never change because you don’t want to change.
You will never give me the kind of love I deserve because it would mean that you actually have to put in some effort. It would mean that you should actually listen to me when I’m talking. That you should actually show me you care and share the load of our relationship. And that’s not something you do. I would know. I was the one who loved you for years, only to have that same love turn back against me.
So, now that I’m leaving, now that you have realized I’m done with you, you are promising me mountain tops and jewels once more. But darling, I know a little bit better now. You’re nothing but an asshole in disguise, and well, your mask just fell off.