She was the one who always had control of her life. The one who always had a plan. The woman who always played by her own rules.
But then, one day, love came into play. And no, that was not a halfhearted love story, but true love, in which one loves body and soul. It was a relationship that completely changed her. A relationship in which she risked everything that was important to her for someone else.
A relationship in which she allowed her partner to get so close to her that when he hurt her, she lost herself. And in a desperate attempt to win him back, she became a very different person from the person she once was.
But she healed. Or at least pretend that she was feeling better again. And as time passed, she promised herself that she would never again put a man before her own priorities or goals.
She decided that if she fell in love again, never sacrifice herself again for a man like that. But she did not allow any man to come back to her heart because she had built such high walls around her and she did not want to let anyone into her life. The men who came close to her either did not want a serious relationship or kept her at a distance.
She swore that she wanted a relationship, but she was still afraid that she might let a man into her life who would change her so that it would upset her routine. And that’s why, instead of falling in love with decent men, she let those in her life whom she knew did not want a serious relationship.
That was why she was repeatedly hurt and disappointed. She always chose the men she knew could never give her true love.
She always chose emotionally unavailable men.
These were not men she would go to another city just to spend a little time with, or risk everything that was important to her. She fell in love, was hurt and lost the person she once was. She lost the woman who once believed so much in love.
The truth is that she knew what true love feels like, or what it’s like to be reciprocated. She was aware of her power and was ready to do anything for the right man.
She kept thinking about the pain and the tears and that’s why she questioned her self-esteem. She decided not to allow any man to bring her into this situation.
You might think she’s crazy now because she’s getting involved with the men who do not give her what she deserves, but what she’s really doing is protecting herself.
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If she enters into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, then she can have physical as well as psychological contact with him, because all people need it. But she still keeps him at a distance.
Even a person who has been badly injured needs something that feels like a relationship in order to function emotionally. So she gets involved with the men who can offer that to her without getting too attached to her.
For them, the most important thing is to be in control. But in order to have a healthy relationship, both partners need to give up control and start trusting each other. You have to learn to be vulnerable. You always have to be available for your partner. That is to make another person a priority. And that was all her biggest problem.
That’s why she chooses the men who do not want to make her a priority. She opts for the men who will not bind themselves, because under the surface that seems so strong is the fear of the obligation and of being hurt again.
Over the last few years, she has learned that the person who cares more about the partner will be the one who will leave in the end. Because of this, even if she has a good heart and people love her, she always builds a wall around her when it comes to relationships.
But when it comes to men, you never say that she has a bad taste. Because that is not true. She knows exactly what she is doing and nobody is allowed to resent her because she is afraid.
The truth is that she chooses emotionally unavailable men because she is the kind of woman who is also emotionally unavailable.
Although one can say so much bad about the men she chooses, she is the one who makes that decision again and again.
She chooses the wrong men because she is afraid that everything will be alright. Because if everything is okay, then you have something that you can lose. If the relationship feels right then there is a chance he might leave her. But if she chooses a man who is unwilling to commit, it feels good because she can not be hurt.
If she’s the one to hurt herself, that means no one else has the power to do it.
And so their lives are about power and who will give up first. And she is certainly not the one who will ever give up.
So, if you compare the toxic relationships of this woman with the rest of her life, then you can see that they are completely different.
The first thing you’ll notice is that every other part of her life is healthy and good, except the relationships she chooses.
You will see a confident and successful woman. A woman who has many friends and a great family. A woman who is smart and ambitious and has achieved so much in her life. A woman who has full control over her life.
And then you ask yourself why she is not capable of relationships.
That does not mean that she has bad luck in love. She is in such relationships because she selects these men. The pain changes people. And it’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror or to look back on those moments when you felt weak and vulnerable just because a relationship failed.
Strong women have big problems with men who hurt them because they are emotionally attached to them. But the moment they promise themselves that they will never tolerate such behavior again, they will stand up again.