It’s always the ones you least expect…
Being that December is officially Krampus season, according to me, it’s a good time to shout at the devil. And while we’re there, we can identify who among us are the most diabolical zodiac signs who are devilish in nature.
Certainly we all know one person who is impossibly attracted to all things dark and wicked, and while they may not be collecting signatures in blood, they could still be considered “that diabolical friend.” I, myself, might even be that diabolical friend, and I don’t even need astrology to tell you that.
One doesn’t have to dress in black to be diabolical, though it’s quite fashionable to look like you eat the dead or merely drink the blood of the living. Being diabolical isn’t Goth, and it’s more than fashion or attitude. There are some truly diabolical people here on this Earth, and they’re more than likely wearing red ties and business suits. They might even wear cheeto-colored comb-overs to hide their small horns.
There are certain diabolical zodiac signs who have all the right traits to make them devilish. And by diabolical, I mean: rude, mean, rotten, nasty, sadistic, filled with schadenfreude, and just plain ol’ bad.
1. SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Just the most diabolical sign of the zodiac. Born sadistic, it’s not like these people need to be cajoled into doing dastardly things; they’re on it already. It’s what makes them thrive.
Scorpio is happiest and most content when they’ve caused damage, and even better, if the damage is permanent and ruinous.
2. AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
You wouldn’t think this milk toast sign would have anything diabolical in them, as they are pretty much known as the bore of the zodiac. Ah, but that’s their beard!
They pretend to be idiots, and they do it well, but secretly they are scheming, and when those schemes finally do come out to play, you’re going down. Hard.
3. VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, who takes great pleasure in conceiving ways to bring you and your world down, is right up there with the astrological demons. This sign is so unhappy that by virtue of their unending state of dissatisfaction, they bring even more unhappiness into their lives.
So, you can basically feel the misery when you’re near them. Misery loves company, and misery’s name is Virgo.
4. ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
You may have noticed that I did NOT place Aries in the top position… this time. I usually do these in order of appearance, but I just couldn’t claim Aries as the most diabolical sign AGAIN.
And yet… here it is, the bold faced truth: Aries is wicked. Aries is the quintessential wild animal; to survive, they’ll go medieval on you, if need be.
5. CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Another of the dullards, it’s hard to think this sign would hold malice in their heart (she says as she dies of both laughter and the poison a Capricorn just put in my drink).
Capricorn is a sneak; they have this devilish little side of them that allows them to think they are superior to everyone, and that gives them a conscience-free outlook. In other words, if they hurt you, in their mind, they’re doing the world a favor by getting you out of the way.
6. LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Yes, of course you made it in, Leo. I could feel your disappointment reading this list that you weren’t one of the diabolical nominees. Well, you are. And rightly so, as you are dastardly to the core… when you want to be, that is.
But the truth is that you’re still more show than substance. Your deviltry is more bark than bite, as you are so very good at showing off.