You want to go out and have fun, but he wants to play video games and watch Netflix instead.
If this happened only a few times, you wouldn’t mind. But, since it happens on a regular basis, this is the only legit conclusion:
My boyfriend is boring!
When you just met and started dating, everything seemed perfect.
You were doing all the fun things together and your love life was simply flourishing.
And then, after some time, you wake up and realize that you’re in a long-term relationship with a boring guy.
You think to yourself: How did that happen? How did I miss all the warning signs or did he become boring overnight?
From a promising romantic relationship to being stuck in a rut. Just like that.
As always, the first step to solving the problem is realizing all the possible reasons behind it and then finding ways to overcome it, which is exactly what you’ll find below!
4 Possible Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is (So) Boring
1. He’s feeling anxious and/or depressed
The thing with anxiety and depression is that the symptoms are often not that visible.
A person might be going through severe bouts of depression and anxiety and still look perfectly normal.
Human beings have this capability to go through a broad spectrum of emotions at once.
He might look perfectly okay while he’s at work and once he’s home, the first thing he does is lock down into his man cave.
And that’s when it strikes you: My boyfriend is boring.
All he wants to do is spend alone time as much as possible and every time you ask him to spend time with you and your friends instead, he finds a perfect excuse to avoid it, right?
Some other symptoms that tell your boyfriend is suffering from anxiety and/or depression are the following:
• Avoiding his best friends and people he used to hang out with (a lot)
• Not doing things he used to enjoy
• Constantly feeling tired
• Feeling hopeless and pessimistic about things
• Difficulty sleeping and concentrating
(There are lots of other symptoms related to anxiety and depression, but these are the major ones.)
WHAT TO DO
If your boyfriend is suffering from anxiety or depression, the best thing to do is to seek professional help.
As being a person who suffers from anxiety disorder, I cannot accentuate enough how tiring the whole process is (if you choose to go through it alone).
From a severe condition, I’ve succeeded in decreasing anxiety levels to a mild condition with regular exercise and a complete change of my lifestyle.
So, before seeking professional help, you can try talking openly to your boyfriend and motivate him to start jogging, spend time in the fresh air, etc.
Another thing that helped me a lot is expressing myself. The biggest enemy of both anxiety and depression is creativity.
When you draw, write, sing, garden or dance, your brain releases dopamine, which is a natural antidepressant.
Creativity significantly reduces anxiety, depression, and stress.
If your boyfriend is still not motivated to do any of the abovementioned, then it’s strongly advisable to seek professional help.
2. He’s stressed out
Every time I read, hear or write the phrase “stressed out,” the first thing that comes to my mind is these lyrics from Twenty One Pilots’ song of the same name:
“Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days, when our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out.”
Indeed, today’s modern life has brought us many good things that have come with a price.
Perhaps your boyfriend has a satisfying job, lots of good friends, all the possible tech gadgets and video game consoles, but still he’s feeling stressed out.
A satisfying job is not necessarily a stress-free job. As a matter of fact, a job that is devoid of any stress doesn’t exist.
Also, you can have tons of friends, every tech gadget and console possible, but when you don’t have time for any of it, you become stressed out.
And that might be the reason why he’s acting so boring all of a sudden.
He’s probably got lots of things on his mind that’s causing him to feel drained and dissatisfied.
His will to do fun things with you is blocked by the daily stressors and that’s why he turned into a couch potato.
WHAT TO DO
If your boyfriend is feeling stressed out, you need to work on alleviating stress levels. Some of the most effective stress relievers include:
• Taking a walk
• Hugging a loved one
• Physical activity
• Being creative
• Getting rid of the things that are adding to stress
To help him with the motivation department, you can meditate together or go for a walk together.
And instead of being mad at him because he refuses to go out with you, try giving him a warm, big hug.
This will comfort him and show your ultimate understanding of his situation.
Whatever you decide to do, just don’t push him – it might create a counter-effect.
You can also watch a stand-up comedy that will make you both laugh your ass off, which is also a great stress reliever!
“Laughing is, and will always be, the best form of therapy!” (Dau Voire)
3. The relationship’s turned him into a boring man
Before diving deeper into relationship matters, I want you to think about your first date.
How did you feel when you were with him on the first date? Excited with butterflies in your stomach? In one word – happy?
You were feeling like this because you were in the first stage of a romantic relationship and that is infatuation.
At that stage, your emotions are at its peak and you’re strongly attracted to each other.
Once the infatuation phase is over, your relationship becomes more “real” and sensitive.
Your routine and actions will greatly influence its course.
Now, the biggest destroyer of relationships is spending a lot of time on texting, phone calls, and social media.
Another big destroyer is spending too much time together.
If watching Netflix has become the highlight of your week, then you have a problem.
But, don’t get me wrong. I totally understand this need for being casual, but there’s a thin line between healthy casual and getting too casual.
When you’re in a relationship for some time, it’s so easy to fall into a rut.
Many people are not even aware of it. It’s when your meaningful conversations are replaced with small talk, and when you no longer surprise each other.
Your once exciting activities have become boring activities because you repeated them too much.
So, one of the reasons why your boyfriend might be boring could be because your relationship is not as exciting as before.
WHAT TO DO
To overcome this one, both of you need to activate to save your relationship.
You need to pay attention to all those little things that mean so much like surprising each other, having fun conversations in the small hours, and so on.
Organize weekly date nights so that you don’t come into temptation to spend all of your free time watching Netflix.
This is the biggest preventive measure to being stuck in a rut.
Incorporate some new fun activities and adventures like bungee jumping for the first time or similar.
Think about why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
Talk about your first date or the day when you met, evoke your past memories – these will evoke your passion.
And if you’re in a long distance relationship, don’t overdo the texting thing.
It’s always better to talk via camera because the chance of you misinterpreting something is very low in a face-to-face environment.
And remember: Do not spend all of your free time together!
Being in a healthy relationship is not about spending as much time together as possible, but about giving space to each other and having a life outside a relationship as well.
And if all else fails, you can always seek advice from a relationship expert!
4. He is just boring (by nature)
If your boyfriend has never been a person of action and he never showed any interest in doing something fun, then I’m sorry to tell you, but he belongs to the category of being boring by nature.
Perhaps you didn’t pay much attention to it earlier, didn’t notice his boring personality, or you secretly hoped that you could change him.
And when you didn’t succeed in it, the only thing left was to conclude: My boyfriend is boring.
I know plenty of boring people in my surroundings and what they all have in common is this feeling of security.
They aren’t satisfied with doing different, fun things because they’re more into routine stuff.
The drill goes something like this: They go to work, they come home, they eat, they turn on the TV.
If there’s nothing on the TV, they turn on their laptop and find a movie. After watching a movie, they go to sleep.
And to them, their day was fulfilling because they’re used to living such a life (not to say boring life) and they probably see nothing wrong in it.
What bothers me the most about boring people is their lack of curiosity.
Many of them are not interested in anything other than their job and things they already know.
And they’re not even trying to give something new a chance. Instead, they discard it immediately by making some lame excuses.
Being boring is directly connected with low levels of excitement and passion for life which, if you ask me, is not s_-y at all.
WHAT TO DO
Being boring by nature is a tricky thing because it’s not something you can improve overnight.
It’s almost a personality thing and you can’t force them to change their routine and behavior just because you want them to be different.
But, what you can do is TRY. You can try proposing some fun activities, but remember not to be too pushy about it.
Do everything in baby steps so that the shifting appears natural to them.
If you know that they enjoy listening to a certain band and they will be having a concert soon, suggest attending it, but in a cool manner like this:
Hey, I just saw that (name of the band) will be performing soon. Don’t you think it would be fun to check them out?
If he still says no and doesn’t even consider going (even though you know he’s a huge fan), then you know you’ve tried, but his boring attitude is not giving up that easily.
If you see that nothing’s changing no matter what you do or try, then you should accept the fact that he will be boring forever and you can either take it or leave it.
The worst thing that could happen to you is realizing that you wasted half of your life on a couch potato.
Sometimes, it’s better to break up on time than to watch things break you.
I hope you’ve been able to categorize your boyfriend’s boredom and that all these tips will be helpful to both of you.
Remember that there are many reasons why a person has suddenly become boring, so learning more about them is essential.
Also, some people are just boring by nature and there’s not much you can do about it.
You can try to activate them and help them see things differently and if they don’t reciprocate, you’ve done your part.
In that case, instead of only thinking that My boyfriend is boring, you should think about your own happiness and how his boring attitude affects you.
If his attitude is not something that can be influenced and you’re not okay with it, then it’s probably time to reconsider your decision to be with him in the first place.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you plenty of patience and good luck!