My anxiety makes me very insecure. I take things too personally.
When I call my friends and they don’t answer right away, it automatically gets me thinking that they don’t want to talk to me, that they are angry with me. I always come up with the worst case scenario in which I have the starring role.
I dread those situations when there might be even the slightest chance of someone rejecting me. I hate being in those kinds of situations. It makes me even more insecure than I already am.
When I think someone has rejected me, I feel like I’m totally invisible and unimportant. I feel like no one cares about me.
Even when I get the text back, I look too deeply into it. I analyze the possible tone of the text. I wonder what it is they really wanted to say. Millions of questions pop into my head: Am I boring? They don’t want to talk to me, why did I even send the text in the first place?
It doesn’t matter with whom or in which situation, but I just have to be sure that the person I find important in my life loves me. I have to feel secure and loved because it makes me feel relieved. It makes me feel that nothing bad is going to happen.
In the contrary, I will come up with the worst possible outcome. Actually, my head is going to direct a horror instead of a love story, and I will push those people out of my life just because of my anxiety.
My anxiety forces me to overthink everything. If my friends tell me they can’t make it to our date tonight because they are tired or have to work late, I won’t believe them. I won’t even consider the possibility they are telling me the truth. I’ll overthink what they’ve said and come up with an answer like: “They don’t want to be friends with me anymore.”
My anxiety makes me pessimistic—like if anything has the option of going wrong, it will. I always have the feeling that the whole world is against me, that everyone is out to get me. I have the feeling that I’m so vulnerable, and I can’t do anything about it.
It’s almost impossible to think positively when nothing goes your way.
I’m so clumsy in social situations. I never fit in anywhere I go. I’m just not cut out to be like everyone else, like the ‘normal’ people.
It’s so hard for me to talk to people. I barely talk to the ones I’ve known for years—let alone a stranger in the supermarket. I always assume that no one likes me, and they want to get away from me as far as possible.
I don’t like dating because of all this. I never get if the person talking to me is really interested in me, or is just being nice? Even if they tell me they like me, I won’t believe them. I know it’s just a matter of time until they leave me because they’ve seen the real me, and they don’t like it.
My anxiety makes me disrespect myself. It makes me think that I am not nor ever will be good enough. So when people around me say they love me or say that I’m beautiful, I don’t believe them. Why would anyone think anything nice of me? It’s just impossible because I’m none of those things.
Because of my anxiety, I can’t see how much I’m worth. I see only flaws.