The desire to live a second youth can be fulfilled by coexistence with someone younger, but that should not blind us: the passage of time is inevitable, but also desirable and enriching.
The reactions to the passage of time to face the physical and personal changes and live with them vary according to the maturity of each one. Aging is something so distressing that strategies to deny it can lead some people to mate with younger ones. Having clear what each one is looking for is fundamental to share the unequal life stage with closeness and understanding.
Age is a fact that, depending on who considers it, is accompanied by images that oscillate between idealization and contempt, as shown by expressions such as “youth, divine treasure”, “age of innocence”, “fiftyish” or ” veteran “.
Cultural habits function as a blind spot that makes it difficult, if not impossible, to ask ourselves why the difference in age in a couple is lived with a certain naturalness when the man is older than the woman -although he is very old- and, instead, with rejection if it is the woman who is with a younger man.
Sources of inequality in couples
In these very different pairings, what works as a protective screen in front of an anguished reality? The differences do not only have to do with age, but also with the unequal dependence that is established between who offers the protection and who receives it.
What does the protector look for in a younger couple?
Whoever assumes the protective role adapts to the demands of the other instead of sustaining their uniqueness, and the protected persons , although they depend on the advantages they receive, feel, thanks to their youth, with greater ability to vary their choice of partner .
Men and women also differ in the appreciation of the aging body. When they talk about older women in pejorative terms, they do not consider their own age. For them, on the other hand, the loss of youth becomes a source of insecurity.
Pairings with younger people allow us to recover a retrospective image of one’s own body, by identifying with the other’s young body.
To some men this pairing allows them to live fatherhood in a different way than they enjoyed at the time with their children.
It gives some women the satisfaction of having a more sincere, less possessive bond, with a non-obligated fidelity, a greater flexibility to experiment with S@@ and more personal freedom. In addition, next to a young man they have the possibility of seeing some of the dreams that the biological clock of motherhood and the subsequent raising of children had made possible.
The desire to live a second youth is very human, and having children is a way of satisfying it, but not the only one.
Enjoying a young S*()&^% for the second time is a very powerful desire that makes it understandable to want to share life with a younger partner instead of having before our eyes the reflection of what we also are and do not want to be: a person of our same age we see aging with their ailments and their complaints to grow older. On the other hand, a young person gives us another perspective, makes us recover the illusion.
What does a young person expect from an older couple?
A young woman who is with an older man with a certain social prestige gains self-esteem; She feels powerful knowing she is chosen by a man who has many opportunities at her disposal, as well as being financially protected. If this is not the case, the relationship may be tinged with a certain paternalism that comforts her, something she can not expect from someone her age.
On the other hand, a young man linked to an older woman , if she is famous, gets a sense of triumph for having conquered her that increases her narcissism , as well as a social recognition and a greater facility to see her personal ambitions realized. When she is not famous or rich, an eroticism tinged with a desire for maternal treatment appears more clearly . For this reason, he prefers it to women of his age, whom he finds unattractive, whether due to lack of experience, s#$%^& inhibitions, lack of power or personal fulfillment.
The risk of disequilibrium
The logic of love relationships develops in unquestioned, silent, sometimes invisible games of power. In the bonds, the other is not always recognized in its otherness but as the support of oneself. In this sense, there is no stronger resistance to the perplexity we feel towards the other than that which is built between two people who come together to sustain themselves.
The fragility of these relationships is not only that they respond to a desire for narcissistic propping – other relationships with people of the same age can also be – but, fundamentally, for a reality that surpasses everything imaginary: the unequal proximity to the end of the lifetime.
The human being is gregarious, fragile in the face of decadence, fearful and denier in the face of death. This could explain why this type of relationship is established very frequently. However, they have a drawback that weakens them: the difference in age can prevent a more solid communication, vital in moments of loneliness.
The older person may not have the support of his young partner because lack of experience prevents him from understanding his shortcomings. Because not only in the image and a young body do human beings sustain their relationship needs.