You might think it’s not always easy to know if the guy you’ve been dating actually wants to make things more serious or not. But the truth is, commitment – or the lack of it – is easy to spot in your partner. You just have to keep your eyes and ears peeled. Commitment is like love: if your partner feels it for you, then you’ll be able to notice it in their actions and the things to say. And, of course, his actions and words have to be in line so that he’s not giving you mixed messages.
So, what are the things you should be noticing that tell you he’s committed to you? If he makes it his priority to include you into his life and family circle, that’s a pretty good sign. Same goes for if he’s not afraid to make plans with you for the future, whether that includes tickets to a concert that’s happening in two weeks’ time or a holiday in six months’ time. Clearly, if he does these things, he’s saying he wants you to be a big part of his life, both now and in the future. However, there are some crucial things to notice that tell you he’s not going to commit to you, like these 20 things.
20-He Never Talks About The Future
You want a serious relationship with the guy you’ve been dating, and you think that since he’s told you how much he likes you, he’s on the same page. But this might not be the case.
If he never talks about the future, such as by planning dates ahead of time and telling you how he wants to be with you in years to come, he’s not planning ahead for a more serious relationship.
This can leave you stuck in a relationship with someone who’s not thinking ahead in terms of you being their forever person. Unless you want a casual relationship with him, it’s just not good enough.
19-He Says He’s Not Big On Commitment
Some guys might tell you that they just don’t like commitment. Wait, what? What does that even mean?! Is it that they’re afraid to commit or that they just want to avoid it? Honestly, either way, it’s best not to date someone who says this if you’re looking for something serious.
They’re just not going to meet you halfway to make a healthy, happy long-term relationship happen.
If your boyfriend doesn’t like committing himself to things, then that says a lot about the type of guy he is. He doesn’t want to invest himself into the relationship.
18-He Never Meets Your Loved Ones
You’ve been dating for a few months, but your boyfriend never agrees to meet your parents and other loved ones. This can feel hurtful, like he doesn’t want to be a part of your life. He should care about the other people in your life who matter to you.
By refusing to meet them, he’s really saying that he doesn’t want to take your relationship to a more committed level.
He might be afraid to meet your family for fear that they won’t like him, but everyone feels nerves at these types of get-togethers! The truth is, if you really love your partner, you’ll want to meet their family. In fact, you’ll be honored to be invited to meet them.
17-He Doesn’t Invite You To Stay Over
He’s quick to come over to your place, but he never lets you visit him. This is a huge red flag that he’s not going to commit to you because he’s literally keeping his home, his sanctuary, out of bounds. By not being allowed to visit him in his home, you don’t get to see how he lives and what his lifestyle is like. What’s he hiding? Metro states that a guy who doesn’t invite you over clearly doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, period!
One’s home is so personal, and clearly he doesn’t want to get too close to you so as to let you into his private life.
He’s basically saying you’re not welcome into his space.
16-He Never Says “We” – It’s Always “I”
If you’re wondering if your boyfriend will commit to you, listen to the way he speaks about himself and his life. If he always makes “I” statements, such as “I want to travel more” or “I want to focus on achieving my dreams” instead of “we” statements, such as, “We should go to Italy” or “We should chase down our goals together,” then that’s a bad sign for the future of your relationship. He’s not thinking in relationship terms, actually. It’s like his future is all about him.
15-He Can’t Plan For The Future
You invite him out two weeks ahead of time, and he can’t commit to seeing you then. Same goes for when you try to plan ahead for a mini-holiday or even a concert you know you’ll both enjoy. He might say, “We’ll see what happens” as a way to stall you. Dodgy!
If he can’t plan ahead for the near future with you, what hope is there that he’ll think in terms of the long run?
An unwillingness to plan with you shows that he can’t fit you into his schedule because you’re not his priority.
14-He Doesn’t Speak About His Feelings For You
You know he really likes you, or do you? His actions are obviously important, but he should also be able to express how he feels. Words matter!
If you tell him how much you like or love him and he can’t seem to do the same in return, it can leave you feeling like he’s not on the same page when it comes to his emotions.
Honestly, if he can’t say it, then how can he live it? You deserve to be with someone who makes you know in clear terms and without a doubt that they want to be with you.
13-He Disappears For Days Or Weeks At A Time
You try to call him and he’s out of reach. You try to make plans with him, but he tells you he’s busy with something else. You never know where you stand with him because he does whatever he wants, expecting that you’ll wait around for him or put up with his AWOL behavior. It’s not on.
While he shouldn’t have to check in with you all the time, if he wants to commit to you he does at least owe you the decency of letting you know what’s happening in his life, instead of leaving you hanging.
12-He Won’t Define The Relationship
If you don’t define the relationship (DTR), you have no idea if it’s serious or not. DTR is especially important for marriage. As The National Marriage Report from The University of Virginia has shown, when people between the ages of 18 and 34 were monitored over five years, it was found that couples who’d defined their relationship had more successful marriages because they were proactive about their relationship from early on. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to DTR, it’s a red flag. If he was willing to commit to you, he’d have no problem doing it.
11-He Keeps His Life A Mystery To You
You’re open with your boyfriend about your life, but he’s a closed book most of the time. As the relationship grows, he should become more open and forthcoming. It’s a display of trust because he’s showing his real self to you. How can a guy commit to you if he doesn’t do that? A relationship is about two people coming together with open hearts.
If you feel like you need a secret password and a lock of hair from a unicorn just to learn more about your boyfriend’s life, he’s not meeting you halfway or treating you with respect.
You don’t want to date someone who is a total mystery.
If he’s selfish, this could transpire in different ways. According to Bolde, some common signs of a selfish boyfriend include if he’s always talking about himself, he never goes out of his way for you, and he’s controlling. It’s like he wants to lead the relationship, while not sparing a thought for what you want.
A guy won’t do that with his partner if he wants to be in a healthy long-term relationship.
Besides, if he deserves to be with you, he’ll know how to compromise and he’ll care about what you have to say.
9-His Friends Don’t Know He’s Dating You
You’ve been dating for a while, but his friends still don’t know you exist. Not only hasn’t he invited you to meet them, but he hasn’t even mentioned that he’s told them about how great you are.
If he can’t invite you into his social circle, it makes you doubt if he’s comfortable with making your relationship official and exclusive.
A guy who sees you occupying a place of importance in his future will want you to have access into his other relationships.
8-He Has Excuses For Why He Won’t Make Your Relationship Official
You want to change your Facebook relationship status to reflect that you’re in a relationship with him, but your boyfriend says that he doesn’t like to share personal information about himself on social media. You want to tell your family about him, but he says it’s too soon to make things official. It seems like he always has a reason for why he doesn’t want to share your relationship with the world. That’s not fair to you.
You should be with someone who wants to shout out from the rooftops that he’s with you and be proud to have you on his arm.
Anything less just shows you that he’s not willing to commit.
7-He Says He Doesn’t Want To Change Things
You and your boyfriend have a great time together, but sometimes it feels like he’s just with you for the good times. This is especially disconcerting if you’ve been dating for a long time. When you try to be more serious, such as by talking about your relationship future, he says that he doesn’t want to go there and would prefer to keep things how they are because they work well. That might be true, but for how long? It’s like you’re in a stagnant relationship that’s not going anywhere!
6-He Never Includes You When He Makes Big Decisions
He decides to take a job in another state or move into a new apartment on the other side of town, but he never runs these decisions past you. He doesn’t even share them with you!
It’s like you’re both flying solo in the relationship instead of being a team that chooses your future together.
A guy who really loves you and wants to commit to you will want to consider your thoughts in decisions that affect your relationship, like where he lives.
5-He Never Asks For Your Help
You want to be in a relationship in which you can turn to your partner for support and advice when you need it. But, the same goes for him. He should be able to express his feelings and ask you for advice.
If he never comes to you for that, perhaps choosing to speak to his friends instead, it can make you feel like he doesn’t value your opinion enough.
If you’re not his soft place to fall, he’s not taking your relationship seriously enough. He’s reserving his vulnerabilities and feelings for other people in his life instead.
4-He Flies Solo At Social Events
When you go out together, he acts like he’s attending the party or event alone. He leaves you alone for most of the night while he socializes with other people. What’s up with that?
Not only is this type of behavior insulting, but it can make you feel that he’s only interested in your relationship when you’re alone together.
He’s not comfortable with being public about it, while wanting the freedom to appear as a single man. It certainly doesn’t make you feel very secure in the relationship or your future together as a couple!
3-He Never Talks About His Past
You should be able to ask your partner questions about his past. For example, when it comes to his previous relationships and regrets. If he never wants to share information about the life he had before meeting you, it can leave you with many questions and an unsettling feeling.
He should be open about his present and past with you if he wants to commit, since there should be no major secrets between you.
Those will just get in the way of your relationship satisfaction in the long run.
2-He Doesn’t Take An Interest In Who You Are
A guy who’s serious about you will be interested in learning more about you. He’ll ask you about yourself to learn about your likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, passions, and more!
He won’t dominate the conversation so that he always talks about himself, and he won’t make you feel like an afterthought.
You’ll feel heard, acknowledged, and supported. That’s key to having a happy and satisfying relationship. If he can’t make a real effort to show interest in you, then he’s not serious about you.
1-He Doesn’t Believe In Relationship Labels
He doesn’t call you his girlfriend. He introduces you by name when you meet his friends. Ouch. Even when you’re together, he won’t talk about you in relationship terms. This can make you feel like he’s not serious, and you’d be right to feel that way. If he can’t claim you as his girlfriend, then what are you to him? Are you both just hanging out or casually dating?
If he avoids calling you his girlfriend, he’s basically saying that he doesn’t see you as someone he could commit to in future or he’s not sure about you.
You might as well just be his friend.