Me leaving you has probably come as a shock to you more than anything else. I am almost positive that you didn’t suffer for me but you were definitely shocked.
Let’s face it—I was always the one who loved you more and I was always the one who pushed our relationship forward, the one who fought to make all of this work. So you probably assumed that I would always stick with you and me breaking up with you was something you never dreamed of happening. But that was exactly what happened.
Although for years I kept telling you some things that were bothering me regarding your behavior and regarding our relationship, I know you’ve probably been wondering why I left you. You may think that I’ve stopped loving you or that I’ve found someone else. And although I would love for this to be true, the truth is that I’ve walked away from you for all the wrong reasons.
The truth is that I left you because you made me feel insecure and because I needed approval. I needed confirmation that I was good enough for you and that you really wanted to be with me. I needed approval that I wasn’t imagining things all this time, that this great love between us wasn’t only in my head and that it was something real and did exist. Because I needed confirmation that you really wanted to be with me and that you hadn’t spent years by my side just because I was convenient.
I left you because I wanted you to chase me for once. I did it because I grew tired of constantly chasing you and being the only one who pushed our relationship forward. I grew tired of feeling like I was begging for your attention and as if I was forcing you to be with me. And for once, I wanted you to be the one calling and texting me and waiting for my response. For once, I wanted you to be the one the one initiating dates and the one who wanted to resolve all of our problems.
I left you because I wanted you to show your love to me. I don’t know if you will ever be fully aware of this but the fact is that I never felt that I was loved by you. Not completely, at least. You never tried to show me your love because you assumed it was something implied by the fact that you were with me. But for me, it was never enough. I wanted you to show me that you cared for me and that you loved me with all of your heart.
I left you because I thought you would see what you were losing. Because deep down, I hoped you loved me and that you were just taking me for granted. So silly me assumed that you would snap out of it, that you would wake up the moment you saw me really walking away from you. I thought you would see that you were really losing me and that you would do anything possible to prevent that from happening.
The truth is I left you because I wanted you to fight for me. Because I thought you considered me to be worth fighting for. Because I hoped you considered our relationship to be something valuable and because I hoped you wouldn’t let me go just like that.
But you never did any of these things.
And at first, I was so disappointed and sad about the fact that you didn’t lift a finger to keep me by your side. By doing this or actually by not doing anything, you have only proven that all of my doubts were true all along. You’ve proven that you never loved me for real, that this was what you wanted all along. You’ve shown me that you were apparently just waiting for me to be the one to walk away so you wouldn’t be the one to blame for the two of us falling apart.
But now I am grateful that you didn’t do a thing. I am thankful because now I finally know where I stand and I am happy I’ve made the choice to leave behind the man who never deserved my love.