Are you one of those people who fall in love too fast and too hard? Yes? Then we’re the same.
That’s exactly why I’m writing this guide on how to not fall in love and thus save yourself from being miserable for a long period of time – been there, done that.
Essentially, there’s nothing wrong with being open and vulnerable, in fact, that’s admirable, but in order to save yourself from unwanted heartbreak, you need to create boundaries and have a good relationship with yourself first.
It’s possible to learn how to control emotions, along with a few more tricks, in order to protect your heart successfully and avoid having it broken again.
One of the reasons people fall in love easily is because they’re either very sensitive, hopeless romantics, or they’ve been single for a while.
I’m definitely a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. My views on love are lofty and sentimental and I’m not ashamed of it.
However, I’ve gotten stuck in situations I’d rather not experience again all because of my idealistic approach to dating.
It’s cost me my time, energy, and a lot of inner strength to get through heartbreak. Once you know the aching pain of unrequited or simply impossible love, you’re determined never to go through that pain again.
It messes up your whole life and it changes you forever.
That’s why I started being more cautious with my heart and developed a tactic for avoiding heartbreak.
10 Tips To Stop Yourself From Falling In Love
1. Admit to yourself what you’re feeling
“If you can’t accept something, you need to change it. If you can’t change it, you need to accept it.” – Molly Burke
In order to avoid falling in love, you need to be very aware of your feelings at every moment. What does that mean? It means being realistic about what you feel and seeing things objectively.
Do you spend an alarming amount of time thinking about them? Do you catch yourself smiling when thinking about them?
Do you feel nervous and extra pressure to look good when you’re about to see them? Does your heart go crazy when you see they texted you?
If the answer is yes to all the above then you might have already fallen head over heels but if you feel just slight excitement then you still have a chance.
Don’t let your brain trick you into thinking you have everything under control; that’s not how it works, trust me. The heart is a wild thing and it doesn’t listen to our brain.
It pretty much makes fun of our attempts to rationalize things we can’t comprehend. Pay attention to what it wants and needs.
In order to save ourselves from heartbreak, we need to put some limits on our needs and the behavior they cause.
For example, don’t ask them out and don’t go out when they ask you; don’t try to think of conversation openings, and stop listening to songs that remind you of them. Get busy with something else.
One of the best ways to redirect your energy is to remind yourself of the goals you want to accomplish by yourself and all the distractions that falling in love will cause.
If you want to be as productive as you can – fall in love with yourself and follow your dreams.
2. Analyze your feelings
“The essence of love begins when infatuation ends.“ – Anonymous
Infatuation is pretty much like a spell. You don’t know what’s going on with you but you’re totally into it and then after it gets washed off you can’t believe the things you’ve done.
That’s why a little common sense comes in handy. Before you do something silly or plain dumb ask yourself:
Why am I doing this? Am I doing this to impress someone else? Am I doing this to prove something to myself? Maybe I’m just fed up with feeling lonely or need confirmation that I’m valuable?
None of these things are good enough reason to immerse yourself in senseless infatuation. Everything you do you should do with authenticity.
It should align with your true needs. That doesn’t include a need for recognition by others but by you.
Observe the feelings that arise in you and try to see their origin. What do you really want from the interaction you’re insisting on? Is it something ego-based or completely selfless?
The key is to always feel content with yourself.
Whatever you do, do it with integrity – not because of someone else and not to impress. If we pretend to be something we’re not, failure is inevitable.
At one point you’ll be exhausted and all the make-believe will crumble before your eyes.
No person can keep up with the high expectation they put on themself when trying to be good enough for the person they’re crushing on.
The truth is you’re good enough already and if they don’t see it, there’s no point in being with them anyway.
3. Create boundaries
“Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.“ – Anonymous
Feelings of love can make us do crazy things. You know, like overlooking your partner’s shortcomings, pretending they’re perfect, giving them the tastiest piece of the meal and whatnot.
Jokes aside, creating boundaries is an important topic. We don’t like to think about boundaries in a romantic relationship but the truth is – any kind of relationship needs boundaries. Especially if you don’t want to fall in love.
Don’t let their pretty face make you forget about your boundaries. Don’t let them play with you. Don’t let yourself forget what you want – and that’s to not fall in love.
Learn to say no to others and yourself. Not falling in love has a lot to do with self-discipline and knowing yourself and self-discipline has a lot to do with removing temptations and sticking with your decisions.
4. Avoid contact with your crush
“All successes begin with self-discipline. It starts with you.” – Dwayne Johnson
Mute and unfollow them on social media (that means you don’t have to unfriend them) and stop exchanging text messages and calls. That’s the first step.
Seeing a person you don’t want to fall in love, especially in an Instagram post that is almost always the best possible looking version of them, isn’t going to get you far.
People are tempted by seemingly tangible things like photos.
Other than that, of course, you should avoid them in real life, even if you’re in a situation where you see them often or daily (at the job, for example). Spending time with somebody is crucial in falling in love with them.
What do I mean by avoiding when they’re already at the same place as you? Avoid situations where there’s just two of you. Don’t have lunch together.
Don’t come up with ideas of how to interact with them. Focus on your work and keep yourself busy.
Don’t indulge in listening to songs or watching movies that make you think about them even more. Try not to glorify them but remember they’re human like everyone else.
Think of every trait you find fascinating about them from a different point of view and remind yourself why you don’t want to fall in love in the first place.
5. Boost your self-confidence
“Don’t compromise yourself – you’re all you have.” – John Grisham
Self-esteem has a big role in the way we interact and feel about others too. In order to feel content with yourself, you need to feel good in your own skin. Being single is the perfect time for that.
Set goals for yourself and then start actively engaging in activities that lead you to your long term goals. Want to look a certain way? It’s possible.
Want to learn a new language? Take up the new hobby – now’s the time.
Fill your free time with meaningful content and you will start feeling self-sufficient. You can do for yourself what you think others can do for you; you just need to be determined about it.
There are many ways to boost self-confidence but the best way is to try doing something you always found admirable. Build a healthy relationship with yourself and you won’t be dependent on other people and their attention or approval.
When you’re busy with something that truly interests you and fills you with the purpose it’s less likely that you will be distracted by falling in love.
6. Learn to control your emotions through mindfulness
“Without desire there is stillness, and the world settles by itself.“ – Lao Tzu
The feeling that’s present when it comes to being in love is needing. You need to be with the person, you need to hear from them and see them.
Your whole world starts twisting around them. They invade your thoughts because you always feel some kind of longing for something that they supposedly can give you.
Can you detect what that is? Why does their attention mean so much to you? Why does it control your thoughts?
That’s why you need to eliminate the need. To let go of need means to conquer oneself and the false feeling you need something or someone else to feel good on your own.
When you learn to let go of fantasies deeply rooted in your desire to get approval from other people you’ll instantly learn how to not fall in love.
7. Talk to your friends about it
“One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.“ – Linda Lambert
Purposely ask your friends for a reality check! Your loved ones often know you well enough and love you enough to give you an objective and useful piece of advice. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Talking with someone else about something that’s consuming you can be very productive. Friends are friends for a reason. A good friend won’t sugarcoat anything.
Besides, spending time with your best friends and family members can take your mind off your crush and remind you of other important things in life.
8. Pay attention to red flags
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.“ – Maya AngelouThis one is important.
Caring for your mental health means recognizing red flags on time. It doesn’t matter how much of a nice guy or girl they seem if you notice the following things you should step aside:
They don’t start any form of interaction with you. They don’t start a conversation and they don’t make any kind of physical contact.
They seem distracted all the time and don’t pay attention to what you’re saying. Now, these things mean they’re simply not into you.
But if you notice they’re inconsiderate of other people, have inappropriate or offensive jokes, or a weird sense of entitlement, then that means they’re just not that much of a good person anyway. Why would you want that?
9. Work on your personal goals
“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” – Lawrence J. Peter
Setting goals is very important in the process of self-discipline. Shifting your focus from something unattainable to yourself and attainable means you’re doing yourself a big favor.
Why is setting goals and working on them so important? The number one reason is because goals give you focus.
Having focus gives us clearer perception, and helps with problem-solving and decision making, which eventually help us in our situation.
Goals give you motivation and with the motivation we achieve greatness.
10. Remember your failed relationships
“Being single is definitely better than being with the wrong person.” – Hassan Choughari
I don’t want to upset you but think about it: Do you remember your last relationship?
And I’m not talking about the first date, I’m talking about how it ended. I bet it wasn’t fun. It could’ve easily been the worst period of your life.
Before fantasizing about new relationships, rewind all your past relationships and their endings. Romantic relationships are no joke!
A successful love life requires a lot of energy, time, and dedication and you’re never sure if it’s going to actually work out in the end or not.
In a sense, it’s like putting your life at stake. It’s gambling. Of course, some people are worth it, but if you know you don’t want to fall in love, motivate yourself by reminding yourself of the potential impending doom that comes after a failed relationship.
It may be a little dark, but it’s very efficient.
What to do if you still end up falling in love
“The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.“ – Frank Herbert
If you still end up falling in love, then there’s not much you can do about it. You’ll need to accept that some things are not meant to be.
You need to recognize that pain you’re feeling is normal and allow yourself time to heal and sort out your emotions.
Sometimes, things aren’t in our control no matter how hard we try. If love is unrequited or impossible, the truth is you’re better off without it.
Don’t give up on yourself. Challenge your unhelpful thoughts and think of everything as a learning experience that will pass.
Almost every person experiences some sort of heartbreak in their life.
It’s important to realize that things don’t always go the way we imagine they will go and that we can’t control another person’s feelings or actions.
Be patient with yourself and soon you will find yourself ready to move on. Once you’re ready to move on, you’ll know it within your heart.
Everything in life is transient and so are feelings. They can evolve and change, but they will not stay the same.
To finish off this lengthy advice on how to not fall in love, I want to say that deep down inside everybody knows what they’re supposed to do when it comes to situations like this.
Unfortunately, they rarely want to listen to that tiny voice of reason in the back of their mind and instead choose to suffer.
That human tendency maybe relieves the basic human need to always choose and seek love, even when we think we don’t want it.
Regardless of current knowledge of the physical and chemical reasons behind love and attraction – love remains a subject of mystery.
If you fall in love, even if it’s unrequited – be happy that you’re able to feel deeply. At the end of the day, people’s lives are always about feelings. That’s just how we are. Don’t blame yourself for being what you are.
Feelings are normal and we shouldn’t want to change ourselves to fit somebody else’s picture of success and an acceptable life.
Don’t let yourself live with resentment and don’t let society (or anyone else) dictate your worth as a human being. Emotional or not, you have every right to be as you are and express yourself fully.
Remember that self-acceptance is always the first step to reaching any goal in life, including being more authentic and therefore more in accordance with your true feelings, wants, and needs that will eventually lead you to the person you are meant to be with.