Ending a relationship with a narcissistic mate can be much more challenging than just calling it quits and refusing to answer your phone. Narcissists don’t like to lose. And, they don’t like to lose partners.
To understand the difficulty, one must first understand how a narcissist’s mind operates, and the best way to sum it up is – extensive egocentrism. Whereas it’s human nature to consider our own needs first (whether we like to admit it or not), a narcissist takes this self-centeredness to the extreme. So much so, in fact, that other people are considered merely extensions of self which are used to help make this individual feel whole and facilitate his or her plans.
In other words, everyone in the narcissist’s world lives only to serve the needs of the narcissist. If, at any time, these people become complacent, unwilling, or unable to do so, they will be quickly discarded. This means, an individual with this behavioral disorder may cheat, lie, steal, commit fraud, use substances – and will likely do all of the above – and it must be tolerated.
So, what happens if it’s not?
If you are unsure whether your significant other who is doing you wrong is a narcissist, try to leave them. See what happens. You will quickly realize they are if in fact they are. This is because narcissists cannot simply let go and move on. Losing you means losing a usable part of themselves.
So, you can expect this partner to do a variety of underhanded things all meant for one ultimate purpose – to destroy you. If you try to leave, the narcissist will say and do anything and everything possible to convince you they are sorry for their faults and willing to change – just long enough for you to return. Then, they’re able to discard you (instead of the other way around) in one last grand finale act meant to ensure you will be left without anyone or anything important in your life.
To accomplish this, the master-manipulator won’t beg, cry, pout, and deliver flowers – at least, not for long. Instead, they will hoover – ever so subtly interjecting themselves time and again into your life, poking and prodding, so as not to be forgotten.
Narcissists can’t be alone. Therefore, they may “go away” for a period of time to focus on new prey – or, rather, old prey, since this individual was likely there all along. Then, just when you think you’re rid of them, they will return and try to get you to give in, so they can complete their sadistic game.
They will also, while swooning you and courting another, employ a vicious smear campaign behind your back to leave you with nothing. This means, they will be busy secretly contacting everyone in your circle and convincing them to side with them. They will say and do anything to get those closest to you to believe them.
Not only will the narcissist try to make all of your friends and family turn against you, but this person will try to get you to lose your job, your home, your finances, and any thread of stability you have left. This won’t be too difficult, actually, since chances are, your partner began stripping these things away from you long ago. Narcissists work tirelessly toward having their mates be entirely dependent on their support right from the beginning.
Mind you, this is all happening while your former partner is also trying to convince you, straight-faced, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to them and they absolutely can’t live without you. If you give in to the lies and return, they will discard you. And, since they were really the only thing you had left, you will be left with absolutely nothing at all. Game over.
So, how do you leave a narcissist? Quietly, quickly, and without even saying goodbye. There may be a million things you want to call this person out on, but it’s simply not worth it. The best thing you can do for your own sanity and well-being is to leave and go entirely no contact to the best of your ability. Refuse any further advances, cut ties with all the mutual acquaintances you can, stay strong and never look back.
The sobering reality is, once you have entered into a partnership with a narcissist, you will forever be in this partnership whether you want to be or not. But, you can minimize this pain by taking the steps to distance yourself as much as possible – no matter what.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Hell hath seen no wrath like a narcissist injured.