It’s been a while since you and your ex-girlfriend split but time doesn’t heal your wounds.
You can’t seem to get her out of your head, as much as you try to do so.
Or you two have just ended your relationship but you are convinced that breaking up was a bad decision.
Either way, it is more than obvious that you still have feelings for her and that you would like to get back together with her.
However, the truth is that you simply don’t know how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
You don’t want her to start seeing you as some pathetic loser who is begging her to come back but you have to find a way to approach her.
What is the best way to do so without scaring her away? Should you let her come to you or should you start chasing her right away?
If these are some of the questions that have been bothering you, you’ve come to the right place because you’re about to get some tested pieces of advice on how to get your ex- girlfriend back that work like a charm.
Forget about all of your fears and self-doubts because our relationship expert is about to teach you how to get your ex-girlfriend back the easiest way possible, without looking desperate in the process.
All you have to do is follow this effortless step by step guide and I promise that winning her back will be a piece of cake.
1.Think about the reason for your break-up
Before you learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back, firstly you have to get to the bottom of your break-up.
Let’s face it—the two of you broke things off for a reason and something clearly wasn’t working that well in your relationship.
Well, you can’t expect everything to go back the way it used to be before processing your break-up.
You need to think about the reasons for it and the way it happened before trying to save your relationship.
I’ll be honest—if you insulted or in any way humiliated your ex while leaving her, getting back together will probably be quite difficult.
On the other hand, if she did that to you, it’s time you reconsider your desire to reconcile with her because she might not deserve you.
So, what exactly happened? Why did you and your ex-girlfriend decide to go your separate ways?
Was there cheating involved? Was one person abusing the other?
Did you guys understand that you had some fundamental differences that you couldn’t surpass?
Or did you just have a huge fight that now looks foolish from this point of view?
Did you both think your break-up through or did it happen in a moment of anger?
How did the break-up happen? Did you say some things you both regret or did you do it the mature, civilized way?
These are all the important questions you need to answer yourself before proceeding with the making-up process.
What you need to know is if this break-up is something you can overcome and if it is something you can forget.
If you get back together, will it be a stepping stone between you two or can you move on with your relationship as if nothing has happened?
The truth is that sometimes breaking a relationship off is the best possible option because getting back together would be a living hell.
Sometimes people walk away from each other in the most disgusting, humiliating way and when that happens, a relationship has no future and you just have to accept it, as much as it hurts.
2. Think about who was the one who initiated the break-up
Another thing you need to think about is who was the one who ended things. Was the decision mutual or did one of you dump the other?
Whose fault was the break-up? Did your ex leave because of something you did or did she do so simply because she stopped loving you?
If you were the one who broke things off, it will probably be easier to get your ex-girlfriend back.
Of course, she is probably hurt and angry at you for leaving her but she likely wasn’t ready to end your relationship and she wasn’t the one who thought she’d be better off without you.
If this is the case, you just need to show her that you’re actually a nice guy who regrets his decision and convince her that you’d never do it again if you could go back in time.
Also, you have to be patient and wait for her to understand that you are serious and that you don’t plan on playing with her, if she gives you another chance.
However, if your ex was the one who walked away from you, the situation is trickier, especially if she didn’t make this decision as a consequence of your actions.
You can’t run after her because that would give her the green light to come and go whenever she wants and it would make her think that she can dump you whenever she feels like it and you’ll always beg her to come back.
That means that you need to find a way to make her understand by herself what she lost by.
The best option would be to make her come to you, apologizing for breaking your heart and asking you for a second chance.
3. Admit your feelings to yourself
The next step in the process of getting your ex back is being honest with yourself before initiating a conversation with her.
Instead of suppressing your emotions and trying to run away from them, embrace them and get in touch with them.
Do you really love this girl? Or is it just lust you’re feeling?
Why do you really want her back? Is it to prove to yourself that you can have her whenever you feel like it?
Is it because you don’t want to allow some other guy to have her?
Is it because you think you’ll never find a girl like her? Do you want her back just to fix your broken ego or because you can’t live without her?
Are your feelings more important than your pride and ego? Or is it the other way around?
Do you miss her? Or do you miss being in a relationship?
Do you want to get back together with her out of habit and because you’re used to having her around?
Are you scared of stepping out of your comfort zone or do you honestly care about her?
Is it possible that you just don’t want to go back to being single?
That you despise modern dating and that you’re tired of searching for the right person?
That you’d rather go back to someone who is familiar to you than going through the process of getting to know some new girl?
These are all the questions you’ll have to give honest answers to before learning how to get your ex-girlfriend back because they will determine your path to doing so and they will help you see whether you really want this person in your life or not and whether fighting for her is worth it or not.
4. Remember your mistakes in the relationship
After you’ve come to terms with your emotions, the next step is to go back to the past and think your entire relationship through.
It’s to continue being honest to yourself and to take full responsibility for your words and actions.
No matter who said the final goodbye, every relationship is a two-way street and yours was no exception.
That means that both you and your ex made some mistakes which led to your break-up.
Firstly, focus on the things you did wrong. What are the things you’d like to change if you could?
What was it that bothered your ex the most while the two of you were together?
Do your best to be as realistic as possible.
Instead of justifying yourself and making excuses, try acting like an outsider and be frank about the wrong moves you made.
However, don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t put all the blame on you only either.
Even when you understand all of your mistakes, remember that beating yourself up won’t get you anywhere.
Instead of wasting your energy on self-resentment, be aware that you can’t go back in time and that you can’t erase all of your wrongdoings.
Nevertheless, what you can do is make sure you don’t repeat your mistakes.
What could you do to satisfy your ex, if you two get back together, without losing yourself in the process?
Think about the things you are ready to do differently, if you get another chance.
Also, be frank about the parts of your personality you know you could never change, as much as you would want to.
5. Remember her mistakes in the relationship
The same goes for the mistakes your ex-girlfriend made in the past.
I know that you miss her like hell now and that all of her flaws appear irrelevant from this point of view but I’m begging you to be realistic about her the same way you are with yourself.
Also, you can’t expect to fix your broken relationship if you plan on holding grudges forever so please be honest and think about if you’re ready to forgive your ex for all of her mistakes.
Are you really ready to forget everything that she did to you without going back to the past every time you argue?
Can you accept her for who she really is, together with all of her imperfections and the parts of her personality you don’t like?
Or do you expect her to change the essence of her being just for your sake?
Do you think that she could make some differences to her behavior and stop doing the things that bother you?
Do you think that there is a possibility for her to understand her mistakes and to take responsibility for them?
Let’s make one thing clear—no matter what happens, if you and your ex get back together, don’t expect her to miraculously become someone else.
She will still essentially be the same girl you used to be with and if that is someone you can’t accept, don’t even bother trying to win her back.
6. Think about if your problems are fixable
The truth is that no relationship is perfect and they all have issues.
No matter what someone tries to make you believe, every couple argues and fights from time to time.
However, there is a huge difference between some small disagreements which can be easily resolved and between real-life problems that can’t be fixed, as much as both of you try to do so.
Maybe you have different worldviews, different future plans or something that can’t be forgiven happened in the past.
Either way, the point is the same—even if you don’t want to admit it, there are times when a romantic relationship is doomed to fail, no matter how hard you try to save it.
Times when a relationship is broken beyond repair and when there is nothing you can do about it but accept the harsh truth.
So, if you’re wondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back, one of the things you simply have to do before anything else is to reconsider your problems realistically.
Even though you have strong feelings for this girl and even if she cares for you back, remember that sadly, sometimes love isn’t enough.
That is why you should find the strength to disregard your emotions as much as possible and think about if this relationship really has a future.
Are the two of you even compatible?
Will you go back to breaking up if you reconcile now or will you be able to learn from your mistakes?
Do you see the possibility of building a life next to this girl?
If you are convinced that a second chance for your relationship would make things right, do your best to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
Nevertheless, if you know deep down that your problems can’t be resolved, please face reality and don’t try gluing back together what cannot be fixed.
7. Don’t bad-mouth her
It’s natural for you to feel all kinds of negative emotions when your relationship ends, especially if you’re the one who’s been left behind.
You feel betrayed, abandoned, bitter and above all furious about the fact that the girl you still love walked away from you so heartlessly, without taking your emotions into consideration.
When this happens, you have the urge to share your disappointment with the world.
You want to take off her mask of a nice girl and for everyone to see what an a**hole she really is.
One of the golden rules of every break-up is not to talk trash about your ex, even if you don’t plan on reconciling with them.
It doesn’t matter what she did to you—talking badly about her behind her back is off-limits.
After all, this is the person you spent so much time next to and someone you share incredible memories with and there is no need to ruin that, despite the terms of which the two of you split.
Besides being disrespectful toward your ex and toward your past relationship, bad-mouthing your former romantic partner means that you are bad-mouthing yourself, as well.
She was your choice and your significant other for so long, so it means that you’re no better than her, as long as you stayed by her side for so long.
This is especially the case if you’re planning to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
She doesn’t have to find out that you went on blabbing about your relationship and about her flaws but you’ll definitely feel bad about doing so when the initial anger and resentment are gone.
I know you’re hurt right now but don’t let the pain overwhelm you and make you act like the immature brat you’re not.
Accept this break-up as an adult and once she sees that you still respect her, even though you guys aren’t together, trust me that you’ll have a bigger chance of winning her back.
8. Don’t be too clingy
As soon as you start missing your ex, the first thing you want to do is call her and beg her to come back.
You’ve heard the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and you feel the need to prevent her from forgetting all about you, thinking that you should start chasing her while it isn’t too late.
You feel like you’ll go crazy if you spend another day without her and you are convinced that explaining the situation and being clear about your pain is exactly the way to winning her back.
However, I’m sure you don’t want her to be with you out of pity or sympathy, do you?
I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but you need to know that this is the last thing you ought to think about doing.
Being too clingy is never attractive and it can only make her run away from you even further.
Trust me—if you become too needy now that you guys have split, your ex will just think of you as desperate.
She’ll have the impression that you can’t live without her and will definitely use that to her own advantage.
Don’t get me wrong—-there is nothing shameful in showing your ex-girlfriend that you still have feelings for her.
After all, this girl has been a part of your life for a long time and it would be impossible to get over her in a split second.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should show her that just because you love her, she can treat you the way she wants.
Instead of being too clingy the moment she walks away from you, never forget to keep your dignity and pride.
Don’t allow her to humiliate you in any way and don’t give her the green light to keep leaving you and coming back as she likes.
9. Apply the no contact rule
The truth is that playing mind games is almost never healthy for a relationship but when you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex-girlfriend back, sometimes you simply have to engage in little tricks to make it happen.
Of course, you won’t manipulate her into loving you if she doesn’t feel that way—you’ll just help awaken her hidden emotions which even she isn’t aware of.
There are times when people need to lose us before they learn to appreciate us.
Times when your absence is the only way for someone to start valuing your presence and to see that they made a mistake when they thought they could make it without you.
This is exactly the case with your ex-girlfriend; there is a possibility that she was taking you for granted and that she counted on you always being around. Well, this is why you have to prove to her differently.
If you’re looking for advice on how to get your ex-girlfriend back, the key to successfully doing so is to make her miss you.
And here is exactly how to achieve that.
I’m sure you’ve already heard about the no contact rule, right?
It is a proven method of getting back with your ex by cutting all possible ties with them for a certain period of time.
It means that for a couple of weeks or even months, you’re not allowed to initiate any kind of communication with your ex-girlfriend—you can’t call her, text her, like or comment on her social media photos and updates.
You aren’t allowed to post sad songs on your news feed, to go to the places you know you might encounter her or to hang out with her friends or family in the hope of hearing something about her.
To put things simply, if you want this method to work, you have to completely ignore this girl and for this period of time, you can’t be the first to initiate contact, no matter what happens.
There is no looking for excuses to reach her—you have to pretend like she doesn’t exist and as if you really did leave her in the past, where she belongs.
You’re probably scared that this approach will make your ex forget all about you but trust me—this won’t happen.
Instead, she’ll become worried about losing you and she’ll realize that she misses you as well.
What is even better this way is that you’re giving yourself an opportunity to think things through and maybe even get over her.
Applying the no contact rule is a real win-win situation—either you’ll stop loving her and realize that you actually don’t want to get back together or she’ll come crawling back to you.
10. Work on yourself
I’ll probably disappoint you here but going full no contact is not the only thing you’ll have to do if you’re figuring out how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
It is not enough for her to feel your physical absence, she also has to sense that she is no longer the only thing running through your mind.
What is even more important is to prove to yourself that you’re a valuable man, without or without a girl by your side.
And what is a better way to do so then to boost your self-esteem?
Easier said than done, I know.
Let’s face it—we’d all like to magically wake up one morning as a confident person, without any insecurities or self-doubts.
Nevertheless, building self-esteem is a process which includes a lot of self-work.
First and foremost, work on your inner self.
This is the time in your life when you don’t have a duty to make any compromises and the time when you can do whatever the hell makes you happy.
Do whatever you want with your spare time—just don’t spend it calling your ex or stalking her.
Go to the gym, find a new hobby, catch up with some people you recently didn’t have enough time to see.
Even though this is clearly not the time to get yourself involved in a new romantic relationship, you’re a single man and there is absolutely nothing wrong with starting dating, flirting or texting other girls.
Stay in shape but be careful not to lead anyone on to the point where a new girl might fall in love with you, while you can’t respond to her feelings.
Whatever you do, make sure not to feel like you’re stuck in one place while your ex has moved on with her life.
Make some changes in your life and spend more time improving your physical looks and mental health in the process.
I’m not saying that you should become someone you’re not just to impress this girl but trust me—she’ll be more attracted to the parts of you she still hasn’t yet had the chance to meet.
Work on becoming the best possible version of yourself and most importantly, start putting yourself first.
After all, since you and your ex broke things off, you have all of this time and energy you’d been spending on your relationship.
Now is the time to use it wisely and to redirect it to yourself.
The same goes for love. Instead of obsessing about how to get your ex-girlfriend back, focus on making yourself happier than you ever were.
11. Try finding out if she’s still interested
After you’ve invested your time and energy into improving yourself in all ways possible and after the no contact period is over, it is time to try and find out more about your ex-girlfriend’s feelings and the best way to do it is indirectly.
Now is the time in which you are allowed to talk to her friends, while subtly asking about her, to stalk her social media to see how she’s been feeling, etc.
These are all the things which can help you realize whether you still exist in this girl’s mind or not.
However, the most important thing to know is if she really moved on. Is she seeing someone new?
If you find out that your ex has a new guy in her life, do your best to get to the bottom of their relationship, without looking like a creep.
You know how she usually behaves when she is in love so you won’t have any trouble seeing if this is a rebound relationship, whether she is only using him to make you jealous or she really loves him.
I won’t lie to you—if it happens that you realize that your ex-girlfriend has a serious relationship and that she has developed feelings for another man or even that she is just dating someone else, winning her back won’t be that easy.
However, if she is single, it means you probably stand a good chance because there is a big possibility that she hasn’t gotten over you just yet.
Don’t hesitate to ask around about if she mentions you, see if she’s deleted all of your pictures together and pay attention to if she hangs out at the places she probably hopes to accidentally run into you.
Is she still in contact with your friends and family, has she remembered your birthday or some other holiday?
Has she tried reaching out to you in this period of no contact?
Taking all of this into consideration will without a doubt help you see where you stand and help you form a better strategy to get her back.
Of course, if she showed some interest in you during this time, things will be quite easier but if she acted cold, that doesn’t mean that you should lose hope in your reconciliation.
12. Come up with a reason to contact her
The next step in trying to win your ex-girlfriend back over is reaching out to her, if she hasn’t done the same before now.
The period of no contact is over and you’ve both had time to think things through, to start missing each other and to see if you really want each other in your lives again.
Initiating communication at this point is not desperate—you’ve shown this girl that you can live without her and that you can make it on your own, no matter what she might have thought.
However, being too honest about your intentions is not such a good idea.
This way, you won’t scare her away and you’ll have a chance to remind her of all the good times you guys shared before engaging in some difficult and painful topics right away.
Besides, even if she ignores you, your ego will still be intact because you didn’t give her an opportunity to turn you down.
Also, judging by her initial reaction, you’ll be able to tell if she wants to get back together or if she is bothered by you even contacting her.
Is she dropping hints and non-verbal signals that she still loves you and is she giving you the space to make a move on her?
Or has she has put her guard up, not allowing you to cross the line and letting you know that she isn’t interested in rebuilding your relationship?
That is exactly why coming up with an excuse to reach out to your ex-girlfriend is way better than asking her to make up with you out of the blue.
You might want to wait for her birthday or some other important date and use it as a reason for contact.
You can ask for her help or even ask her to give you back some of your stuff you need.
If none of this is possible, the last option you have is to tell her that you had a dream about her or that you just want to see how she’s doing and what she’s been up to—it just shows that you want to stay on good terms and that you don’t hold any grudges against her.
Of course, if she gives you the green light, this is when you’ll confess your feelings and tell her your intentions.
13. Prepare yourself for the conversation
However, before talking honestly to your ex-girlfriend, firstly you have to mentally prepare yourself for this conversation.
Naturally, you can’t predict the entire dialogue because you don’t have the possibility of knowing her answers but you can do your best to prepare yourself with the things you plan on saying and the approach you think is the best.
How and when will the conversation take place? Do you plan on calling her or texting her?
Have in mind that a phone call is much more serious and the adult thing to do while text messages give you an opportunity to continue a casual conversation before moving on to the real point.
Will you directly ask her out? Or will you try your best to accidentally run into her and then invite her for a cup of coffee?
What will you say to her? How will you start talking? Will you get straight to the point or will you beat around the bush until you’re certain that she wants you back as well?
What do you expect to happen? Be realistic—how likely is it for this girl to jump into your arms, as if nothing has happened?
Being positive and expecting the best will definitely help you with the outcome because your ex will see that you are certain of yourself and she will without a doubt fall for your self-esteem.
Nevertheless, you need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario as well.
Let’s face it—there always exists the possibility of her turning you down.
Maybe she’s stopped loving you or she realized that the two of you don’t have a future together, despite the emotions you share.
Either way, if this happens, have in mind that it is her right to say no and that you have to be a gentleman and respect that.
Instead of getting too emotional or showing her your anger, be thankful that she was fair enough to tell you how things are right from the beginning, without leading you on.
14. Remind her of the good times
Now that you’ve managed to get this girl to talk to you or even to see you in person, it’s time to make some concrete moves and to act on your desire.
It is clear that she is ready to give you another chance and that she isn’t as certain about this break-up as she thinks she is or as she was in the beginning.
She wouldn’t have agreed to meeting with you and she would have never answered your phone calls if that was true.
Even though the two of you have some serious things to discuss, don’t tackle these issues right from the start because you’ll have plenty of time to do so later on.
I’m not saying that you should brush your break-up under the carpet but you should definitely start your conversation with some lighter topics.
This is why the best thing you can do is count on the past you have together as your ally.
Reminding your ex of the good times you guys shared will make her feel nostalgic and, consequently, easier to win back over.
Just make sure to do so as subtly as possible so she doesn’t see through your intentions.
Casually mention a certain place the two of you visited or ask her if she remembers that great trip you had a while ago.
This way, she’ll realize that you didn’t forget anything regarding your past relationship, which is an obvious sign of how much she means to you.
Once she starts feeling all the love she thought was gone and remembering all the beautiful memories the two of you have, winning her back is a piece of cake.
Your ex will be nostalgic about those good times and she’ll want them back, even if she doesn’t admit it.
At the same time, you’ll help her forget and disregard all the ugly stuff that happened between the two of you.
She’ll realize that your relationship was much more good than bad and she’ll realize it is without a doubt something she wants in her life.
15. Be honest about your feelings
After you see that you’ve managed to soften your ex, it’s time to bring out the big guns.
This is the moment of your honesty—the moment in which you’ll come clean about your feelings and intentions.
First and foremost, forget about pretending to be this tough, heartless guy and don’t feel weak for taking the first step—you’ve spent more than enough time playing hard to get and pretending that you don’t care and it’s about time for you to find out where you stand and about time to put an end to these games.
Don’t think of yourself as weak or as less of a man for admitting your emotions—it only means you’re strong enough to face them, accept them and verbalize them.
No matter the outcome, trust me that your ex will respect you once she sees that you’re a real man who knows what he wants and who isn’t afraid to get it.
That is exactly why you should tell her how things are—ask her to give you a minute to tell her something without interrupting you and make sure she realizes that you’re deadly serious.
Be frank about the fact that you miss her, that you still love her and that you want her back.
Don’t worry, none of this has to sound cheesy or overly pathetic—just be strong enough to talk to her and try not to get overly emotional.
Not only that—also tell her why you think that your relationship might work this time.
Do your best to persuade her into agreeing to get back together, without begging her.
If necessary, before facing your girl, rehearse the lines you plan on telling her.
You can do it in front of the mirror or even write them down on a piece of paper and then read it to yourself.
This way, you’ll know how this speech sounds and if it needs some modification.
Of course, you won’t learn every sentence by heart—this only serves you as a guide and a reminder to say everything that’s on your mind.
16. Talk about the future of your relationship
If you’re wondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back, the bulletproof way of doing so is to show her that you’re serious about getting back together and that you don’t plan on playing games once that happens.
She needs to see that you’re ready to take the necessary steps to rebuild your relationship and talking about its future is the way to convince her of that.
Instead of trying to put all the guilt for the failure of your relationship on her, be man enough to take responsibility for your wrongdoings and admit that you were wrong lot of times as well.
Show her that you’ve changed and that you’re ready to put the effort in and to try and make things work this time.
Also, make her realize that you understand all of your mistakes and everything she’s been going through.
Don’t accuse her of overreacting and don’t try belittling the reason for your break-up because if it wasn’t important, it wouldn’t have caused your relationship to end, would it?
Avoid talking too much about the break-up and don’t play the blame game. Instead, focus on the future.
What can you do to prevent ending the same way this time? How can you make sure for your relationship to succeed?
Be honest toward yourself and toward her. I know that now you think you’re ready to agree to any conditions she proposes just to have her back.
However, the reality is quite different.
Sooner or later, your problems and dissatisfaction will rise to the surface so it’s for the best to talk about the future of your potential relationship right from the start.
Try ruling out your emotions and see this conversation as a bargain. What are the things you two can compromise on and meet halfway about?
What are her deal-breakers and what are the things you expect from a relationship? What is it that neither of you will tolerate in the other person?
Talk to her about the future of your relationship, if it happens that you reconcile. Set some ground rules and show her that you’re ready to respect them.
17. Don’t force anything
As it was already stated, your ex has the full right to decline your offer and to choose not to go back to you.
No matter what happens, you shouldn’t force her into doing anything.
Remember there is a difference between not giving up too soon and being overly pushy.
So, if your ex-girlfriend is asking for some time to come up with a decision, give her that time.
Don’t let her lead you on and determine a date up until you’ll be willing to wait for her.
On the other hand, if she asks you to take things slowly because she can’t forget everything that has happened, reconsider this idea as well.
Maybe it’s better for your reconciliation to be a step by step process which will give both of you time to see where things are going and to rethink your decision, without committing to anything, before making a final step toward a healthy relationship.
Either way, what is important is that getting back together happens with the terms of which you’ll both agree upon.