It’s so frustrating to always meet someone who seems like a nice guy at first and then turns into an asshole just a couple of days afterwards.
I mean, we’ve all had bad boyfriends. I had a LOT of them—always forgetting what I have learned from my past relationships. I hear my friends talk about their abusive partners and it made me think about the traits they all have in common.
Of course, don’t get me wrong, your genuine feelings aren’t always enough, so you need to invest time and energy to working on your relationship, but also, sometimes, it’s just not worth it. So, here are 10 signs that you should just stop fighting for the two of you.
1. He makes fun of the things you love
Have you ever told him how hurtful this is? Maybe you’ve told him that something (or someone) is really important to you because it makes you happy and he started laughing like it was the best joke in the world.
I wouldn’t even bother trying with people like this because they simply aren’t open-minded enough to respect everyone’s likes and dislikes. If you told him that you’d like to go to the theatre and he started laughing hysterically at you, just leave. It’s a stupid situation that’ll occur more often than you’d want it to.
2. He’s possessive
As you might know, possessive behaviour is actually manipulation in disguise. It consumes you slowly and when you realize it’s happening, it’s already too late. It may start with little outbursts of jealousy and he might disguise it as wanting to spend more time with you.
Then, it turns into a constant need for attention and he’s now controlling your entire life. You didn’t even see it coming. Don’t take this as a sign of love, please because at one point, it’ll turn into abusive behaviour and you might not be able to go out by yourself because it’ll be like he’s holding you hostage!
3. He is emotionally abusing you
Even if it wasn’t physical, it’s still abuse. Abuse that can harm you even more than if he punched you, believe me. Telling you that you are worthless and that he could do much better without you isn’t love. Talking about his past relationships and how he misses his ex just to make you feel jealous or to make you upset isn’t love.
The awful truth is that you can’t fix this. If he sees that you’ve had enough of it, he might stop for a while because he doesn’t want you to leave. But don’t be fooled! Abusers don’t give up that quickly. They keep going until their victim is on their knees.
4. You’re not happy
You feel unhappy and uneasy when you’re near him because you know that soon he’ll do something that will make you upset. So, you close yourself into your room and cry your eyes out, but it doesn’t help because you’re lonely—even when you’re by his side.
You always feel lonely and it doesn’t matter what anyone tells you: it’s much worse than being single. Maybe you’ve even put in so much work and effort into your relationship that it has made you miserable! If only one of you is fighting to make it work, it’s doomed to fail. Sorry, but it’s the truth. So save up your energy— he’s not worth it.
5. He cheated on you more than once
The “Ohh, babe, but it was just a mistake! I can change!” doesn’t work anymore. He cheated on you so many times that you’ve lost count of them. All you can do here is leave because he’ll just keep finding the most stupid excuses. Can you really rebuild a meaningful relationship after someone has cheated on you? I wouldn’t say so.
6. He’s a psychopathic liar
How can you tell if someone is a psychopathic liar? Easy, they lie about everything! Their ultimate lie is “I love you” because psychopathic liars are very compulsive creatures and act in a minute.
If he tells you he loves you and in a moment goes to pursue another woman, he’s a psycho-liar. You can’t cure that as much as you’d want to. This isn’t something you can change in him.
7. You’re his “second choice”
He already has a girlfriend but he promises you that he’ll leave her just to be with you. Has he left her? No. Even if he did, what makes you think that he’ll change after he becomes your boyfriend?
He can’t magically redo his personality, as much as you would want him to. He’ll cheat on you, too, and why would you want all that extra pain in your life? It’s much better to just walk away from him.
8. He has no ambitions
This can bring you both down to the bottom of life! If you don’t know what I mean, just think about it. Think about how he spends his days on a couch in your apartment, not doing anything.
Do you really want to spend your time and effort on someone whose biggest ambition is to watch the next game on TV?—maybe that’s even the only reason why he gets up in the morning!
OK, I might be exaggerating, but you should want someone who’ll invest in their personal improvement and inspire you to be a better person yourself.
9. He’s not there for you when you need him
You’ve been sick and you call him to ask if he could get you some medication from the pharmacy, but all he does is laugh and say that you’re too needy. Well, girl, what have you been doing with this jerk for so long?
There is someone in this world who’ll be there for you without you even calling them. There is someone who’ll call you and ask you how you are and if you need help with something.
You should be searching for this type of guy—not lose your time and energy on a narcissistic abuser.
10. You’re the last thing on his mind
This means that everything is more important than you and the relationship you have. He’s canceling your date because of some football game? Or because of the fact that he isn’t willing to put in some effort to come out of the house?
Yupp, that’s what I’m talking about. If he really wanted to be with you he would cherish every little second with you!
In the end, if your partner doesn’t act according to your standards, you don’t need to be the only one fighting to make it work! Successful relationships are based on love, trust, honesty and mutual engagement. If you’re doing it all by yourself it’s time to let go.