Finding lasting love in this modern world is very difficult.
We all want to find lasting love. To have someone who is our best friend, someone we can share our hopes and dreams with, someone who we can build a life with. And, yet, for many women, finding and keeping lasting love can be very difficult.
I have talked to many women in healthy relationships over the years and there are 5 personality traits that most of them share. Let me share them with you.
#1 – They know themselves.
Women who are in healthy relationships know themselves. Truly know themselves.
They know their strengths and their weaknesses. They have dealt with their past. They recognize their limitations and are willing to reach out for help when they know they need it.
Women who find lasting love KNOW what they want. They know what kind of man they want, what kind of traits he will have, what kind of man will bring out the best in them. They set their eye on finding that man and build themselves a clear path to do so.
If you are a woman who doesn’t know who she is, who hasn’t taken a good hard look at who you are in the world and what you want, then you will have a hard time finding and keeping lasting love.
#2 – They don’t take things personally.
I know many women who reflect everything that happens in the world on themselves. Women who do this have a low ego strength. Everything that happens in the world they filter through their perception of themselves.
I have a client who reflects everything that happens back on herself. Her husband didn’t want to help his mother clean out her attic and my client’s reaction was that if her husband didn’t help her with her attic in 10 years when she was retiring, she would be really angry.
Another client was upset because her husband didn’t do what he said he was going to do so that meant that he didn’t love her.
Women who take everything personally don’t have confidence with who they are in the world. They look at life through their own personal lens which doesn’t allow them to let a man in and love them for who they are. They judge their man for their actions. They don’t believe a man can love them for who they are. They are paralyzed by the person they see in the mirror, a person they don’t like very much. And how can you expect a man to like you if you don’t like yourself?
So, don’t take things personally. Understand that your man’s thoughts and deeds are independent of you. Seek to love and like who you are so that the person you are with can love and like you too.
#3 – They are flexible.
Women who find lasting love are flexible. They are willing to roll with whatever comes along and bend themselves to accommodate it.
I have a client who is very black and white in her thinking about the world. If her relationship isn’t going the way she thinks it should then she is immediately stymied. She tries to bend it back to her way of thinking and, more often than not, she gets shut down in the process. If only she was willing to look at all sides of the relationship she might be able to help it evolve into something healthy that works for everyone.I have another client who, when things don’t go the way that she thinks they will, gets totally overcome and just can’t deal at all. She is paralyzed by the idea that something must go in a different direction and she shuts down. And when she does, her relationship falls apart.
So, try to be flexible in the world. Anticipate and accept that your relationship just might not go the way you think it will and roll with it. You will be happy you did.
#4 – They have a sense of humor.
Life can be exceedingly difficult and women who are in healthy relationships are able to laugh at how hard it can be.
Think about those days when everything goes wrong. Your husband is cranky in the morning because he is going to be late to work. Your plans to meet for lunch get cancelled because he has meetings. He forgets that you are going to go shopping together and has a beer after work, from which he comes home later than he said he would.
When this happens, you have two choices. You can collapse in a heap of anger and despair, drink 3 glasses of wine and yell at your husband. OR you can throw your hands up in the air, recognize how crazy life is and go for a walk with your dog to let it all go.
If you can just let things go, if you can see that life is just difficult and accept it with grace and humor, you will be way more likely to find and keep the lasting love that you seek.
#5 – They never, ever give up.
The key to finding, and keeping, lasting love is determination. The determination to succeed, to get what you want, to not let anything get in your way.
I have a client whose husband left her for his college girlfriend years ago. It was totally out of the blue and she was devastated. It took her some time to get back on her feet but when she did she did so with gusto.
She took the time to figure out what she wanted in the world and she went for it. She started her own business and worked hard to make it successful. She moved to New York City because she knew it would give her the opportunities that she seeked. And she made herself a list of the kind of man she was looking for. 6 years later, her business is a success and she has found the man of her dreams. A lot of things got in the way but she never gave up. And she got what she wanted.
So, if lasting love is what you seek, go for it. Set your sights on what you want and don’t let go, no matter what gets in your way.
There is no reason why any women should have difficulty finding the lasting love that she seeks.
Women have been letting men take the lead in relationships for too long, letting their ‘womanness’ hold them back from actively pursuing what they want.
I would argue that the things that make us women, the self-awareness, the determination, the flexibility and the sense of humor, the personality traits that we naturally possess, give us all the tools that we need to find the love that we seek.
So, go out there in the world, be a woman, and find your person. You can do it! I promise.