It felt so good, right?

It felt so right, didn’t it?

You can tell me if I’m wrong about what we had, but you’re not saying anything. Because you know it was real. You know it was real by how much it hurts after. You can tell by how much it hurts right now and now, it hurts like hell.

We loved each other, didn’t we?

It was that breathtaking, can’t-live-without-each-other kind of love, wasn’t it? It felt so good and it felt like it was gonna last. I saw us together.

I swear I could picture us together long-term. I could picture myself cooking breakfast for us on Sundays when you sneak up on me and hug me from the back while you lean your head on my shoulder telling me how good it feels to have me, how this love feels good for a change, and then I’d turn and kiss your smiling lips.

We lit so fast, didn’t we?

It was all at once. You were the one that made me feel like we’re really created from two parts and that I’ve found my other half when I met you. We moved light-speed and it was OK.

You’d leave no stone unturned for me. It wasn’t scary at all. I guess we were both so consumed with the feelings we awakened in each other that we forget how sometimes it’s not good to give everything all at once.

We’ve burned even faster than we’ve lit, haven’t we?

We were a bit too much, weren’t we?

All that was going on after a while began to feel overwhelming. When the feelings started cooling off, you seemed like a complete stranger to me. I guess I did to you as well. Each happy moment we felt made our sad and heavy moments hurt like hell. It was good until it wasn’t anymore.

And when the good that we had started fading, everything else seemed too much. Only this too much was really too much. How many nights was I left alone with that gut-tearing-apart feeling while I was hitting the door you slammed at my face with my fists until they bled?

Do you know how many nights I wish we could turn back time and replay at least one of those completely happy days, thinking it’d help me to endure the hell we’ve put each other through?

I still feel you. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

I still feel you running your fingers through my hair while my head was lying on your lap. I still remember the smell of your perfume and each time I pass somebody with that exact same smell, I close my eyes wishing it was you.

I guess I’m secretly hoping to see you somewhere accidentally and totally unplanned. Although it’d hurt like hell, I wish to know how are you doing and how have you been after us. But I don’t get to do that, do I?

It hurts, doesn’t it?

It hurts like nothing else in this world. It feels like a part of me was torn apart and now I have to live the rest of my life knowing you have a part of me with you and I’m not getting it back. It hurts to know I had something amazing and worth living for and now I don’t have it anymore. And I miss it. I miss it so bad.

I know we were good for a while. I know we weren’t meant to last, that we were only brought together to feel the amazing amount of love, and once we reached the limit of that love, we reached the end. But it’s OK. It sucks and it hurts, but it’s OK. I guess.

“You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.” – John Green


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