‘Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The ONLY one you can hear!’
Anxiety is one of the most popular diseases nowadays.
It can happen to anyone, no matter which age or gender they are.
It is a treacherous, quiet killer. It comes to your life without an invitation and stays there as long as you let it stay.
It also came to my life.
I started feeling strange symptoms overnight.
I was like a cat on hot bricks all the time.
Even though I supposed to feel relaxed and enjoy things, I couldn’t.
I tried to talk to myself. I had an inner monologue full of hope. But nothing worked.
What made things worse was the fact that I had a child along with the anxiety.
And trust me, it is not easy to be a full-time mom when your whole world is falling apart.
I couldn’t go out for a walk with my baby because I thought something bad will happen. Going to the park with him gave me the heebie-jeebies.
And I couldn’t find a valid reason to feel like that.
I was in that mental state for 2 long years.
And then I decided it is enough. I couldn’t stand my life passing by without me enjoying it.
That was tearing me down.
Even though my anxiety was a b*tch, I decided to be a bigger one.
The day I made that decision was the best day of my life.
I decided to be over my problems.
Ok, I am anxious. So, what?
Half of the world suffers from anxiety and they can still function normally.
So, why would I be an exception?
Every time I wanted to enjoy my life, I started sweating and feeling butterflies in my stomach.
Those symptoms were part of my life. But not for long. As I started thinking positively, I felt that they were fading away.
After so much time spent suffering in my 4 walls, I became the old me.
The woman who laughs. The one who cares about others. The one who accepts invitations for lunches or coffee.
I must admit, it was very difficult at the beginning. I still remember the first time I went out to a coffee shop with my friend.
My palms were sweating. I was looking around, trying to see where the exit was.
I wanted to sit close to the toilet in case I get sick. I thought I will die if I don’t get out from that place.
I said to myself: “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!”
Then, I stopped for a second. I took a deep breath.
And then I said to myself: “Die if you want! I will just sit here and watch myself die. I want to know what it feels like!”
That was the moment when I defeated all my fears.
Somehow, my heartbeat was normal again and I wasn’t feeling dizzy at all.
That was the first time in 2 years that I felt like the old me again.
Every day I have been fighting more and more. And one day, I totally defeated my anxiety.
I am aware of the fact that I will always be a little bit nervous and anxious. That’s the way that cookie crumbles.
But it won’t be as bad as it was before.
While I am writing this letter, I am thinking about all you guys out there who suffer from this nasty disease.
I just want to say: “Hang in there! If I could beat this, so can you. You just need to think positively.”
Please bear in mind that anxiety does not define you!
You are doing your very best!
And don’t think that the game is over once you start suffering from anxiety.
The game is over when YOU say so!