Love is scary. Giving your heart to someone, hoping they won’t drop it. Letting someone in, hoping they won’t rob you of all you hold dear. Trusting someone that they won’t leave.
It’s scary as fuck. And you are right to be scared. I’m scared, too.
But love is also the most beautiful thing there is. It’s emotion, power. It’s healing and pain. It’s both pleasure and suffering at the same time, but damn, it’s beautiful.
We wouldn’t be going back to it if it wasn’t. We wouldn’t have hope to love again someday, if we didn’t love the love itself. But, what happens when the painful past is stronger than our hope? What happens when we’re too afraid to face the love?
We’ve all loved someone we shouldn’t have. We all gave our heart to the wrong people, hoping that maybe, they’ll appreciate it. The first time I had my heart broken, I was so confused.
I was so blindly in love that I couldn’t imagine he could simply walk away. How could he? He told me he loves me. He told me he wants us to grow old together.
He told me I’m the best thing that happened to him. And he just walked away. How could he?? Well, he could, and he did. I got played, but I still hoped there would be someone out there to love me.
I hoped and got my heart broken a few more times. Got bruised and abused, and I wish I could tell you that I got up after that and screamed to my past:
“I still believe in love. I still believe in myself!” But I didn’t. It took me quite some time to only whisper to myself: “I believe in you girl. You can believe in love again.”
I wish I could tell you that it gets easier; that the moment you meet that special someone, love becomes less scary. It doesn’t. But it’s worth it.
You’ll find that someone who will turn your world upside down. You’ll find that someone who will make you realize that you’ve never been more afraid of love than when you’re with him.
But damn, it’s worth it. It’s worth believing he will stay; it’s worth believing he won’t hurt you. Because, deep down, you know he will stay no matter what.
You know he’s afraid as much as you are—maybe even more. But you both faced your fears and decided to stay.
Yes. Love is scary. Yes, I’m scared too. But it’s okay. It’s okay to shut some people out. It’s okay to take your time to get better, to take your time to let certain people in.
It’s okay to build walls, because sometimes they’re the only thing that’s protecting our hearts. It’s okay to run away, if you’re not ready.
Don’t push yourself to do things you’re not comfortable with. Don’t force yourself to love someone if you’re not ready. Don’t bring yourself down, if everyone around you pressures you into giving in to love.
You’re not a machine. You can’t get better if you switch it off and on again. You need time, you need space. Even if it takes you years to get there, it’s okay.
But trust me, one day when you look back, you will see how far you’ve come. You will see how brave you’ve become; how badass you were this whole time.
And you’ll see that love is still scary, no matter how much better you get. No matter how strong you are, it’s still damn scary.
But you’re one hell of a wonder woman and there’s nothing stopping you from conquering that fear.