There are some toxic beliefs about love that can seriously damage your view on love and relationships.
1. Love conquers all.
This is such a common belief. We are convinced that true love can survive all the bad times and obstacles. There are songs, movies, fairy-tales and books about that.
Yes, love IS strong and it can move mountains, but it can’t conquer all. Not just like that. Even people who love each other deeply have problems, and those problems can’t be solved by love and love only.
2. If it’s real, it’ll be easy.
Wrong. True love takes a lot of hard work and effort. People we love are just human beings, they’re not perfect. We need to learn how to accept all the turmoils and hardships we come across so we can successfully deal with them. Love can sometimes seem magical, but it’s definitely not magic.
Real love is everything but easy. I remember a beautiful scene from Desperate Housewives in which Gaby asks Carlos why it seems that other couples waltz through life, and then he says: “That’s easy. You and me? We’re doing a tango.”
3. The right person will just KNOW how to love you.
Again, love doesn’t work that way. People can’t read minds, not even the ones that love us. All those movie scenes where a guy says the perfect words at the perfect time and surprises his girl with exactly what she wants are fake. It’s easy for the actors—they just follow the script. Real life doesn’t have a script. But what it does have is communication.
Good communication is super important. We need to be completely honest and open about everything in our relationships if we want to make them work. You need to tell your partner how you feel and what you think. I know, it doesn’t sound very romantic, but you really shouldn’t believe that anyone will just KNOW how to love you without good communication.
4. Love is all you need for a relationship to last.
This is kind of connected to Number 1. Love is, of course, the foundation. However, you need so much more except love if you want to make things work. You need trust, compromise, respect, etc. Love without these things is just some kind of toxic relationship.
5. Your significant other is responsible for how you’re feeling.
There are all kinds of toxic people who can play mind games with you, and make you feel miserable. However, you need to know from the start that it’s you who is responsible for your state of mind. Yes, other people can improve our moods or even bring us down, but it’s just because we let them.
And yes—it’s true that our loved ones can contribute to how we feel, but we can’t just sit and wait for them to make us happy. Even when you are in a relationship, it’s still your job to make yourself the happiest you can be.
6. Your significant other should be the one breaking down your walls.
Probably all of us have been brokenhearted, betrayed or in toxic relationships that have left scars. As a result, we build walls not to get hurt again. You think the right person should be the one to break down those walls and to heal you.
Sorry, but that’s never going to happen. Only you can heal yourself. It’s nobody’s responsibility to do that for you—such thinking is unrealistic and a little unfair. Just because some asshole left you in the most horrible way, it doesn’t mean that it’s your next boyfriend’s job to pick up the shattered pieces of your life. Only you can make yourself believe in love again.
7. You can save each other through love.
Love is a beautiful thing. We believe it can make us be better, feel better, grow better. However, that’s not as easy as it seems. Someone who is not ready to be changed can’t be changed, and there is no love that can influence that.
Women love projects. We love to believe that we can make even toxic men become nice guys. Unfortunately, you can’t fix things like that. The hardest thing is that most of us learn that in a very unpleasant way.