A relationship is basically a test drive to see if this person is worth sticking it out for the long haul. Chances are that, right now, it’s not half as challenging as it could potentially become if you’re still together a few years down the line.
As your relationship progresses, there are major issues to discuss, major decisions to be made that concern both of you, and a lot of sacrifice and compromise on the horizon.
So before all that happens, it really shouldn’t be that hard. Your relationship should never be the main cause of your emotional instability or the thing that makes you rattled and anxious.
It should be a safe haven, a vacation from the world, and a place where you go that is just yours. A place to unwind, breathe again, and enjoy the presence of a human being you cherish and respect.
And when that isn’t the case, and when that very person is the cause of your distress and unhappiness, it’s time to reassess if this is really worth it. If this person is making it difficult now, how much worse will it get in a few years?
I say – don’t take your chances. Life isn’t a picnic. There are so many factors that determine whether you’ll make it or not, so don’t let the dysfunction of this person be one of them.
You’re supposed to be a team. You’re supposed to feel safe and protected around this person, all the while knowing he’s got your back and vice versa. Sure, things will not always be as peachy as they are now, but at least you’ve got each other!
If your partner is causing you anxiety, distress and/or making you unhappy, it’s time to detach yourself from this situation and find yourself somebody who’s going to bring you peace of mind.
Here are some foolproof ways that you can detach yourself from your dysfunctional loved one and make your life enjoyable again!
1. Commit to breaking it off and don’t let his persuasion make you stay
Decide that it’s time to call it quits, and don’t go back on your promise to yourself. Once you’ve made this decision, stick by it and find the best way to break it off.
Don’t catch him off guard; rather make plans to meet up (preferably in a café or somewhere with people around) and tell him in advance there’s something serious you need to discuss. Don’t let his charms persuade you to stay.
Make your case, and stick by what you said. Don’t let him downplay your issues and unhappiness; tell him you can no longer remain with him. Give him time to process it and don’t rush things. When there’s nothing left to say, get up and leave, wishing him well.
2. Do not prolong the process (be clear and prompt)
When you’ve decided that you’re going to do this, don’t keep making excuses and postponing it. You’re doing yourself a huge disservice.
Make a clean break. The sooner you’re able to sit down and talk, the better. If you stay with him any longer than you want to, you’re only going to resent him more. Do it for yourself but also for his sake. He also deserves to know his relationship is over.
3. Find support in your family and friends
There’s nothing like a solid support system when you’re going through something like this. Inform them of what’s going on and call them anytime you’re feeling bad or unhappy.
Let them keep your spirits up while you’re going through this breakup and don’t shy away from venting to them. It’s important to create a safety net for yourself, because you know you’ll eventually need it.
They can cheer you up when you’re feeling down, and keep you company when loneliness kicks in. With their support, it’s going to be easier and less painful.
4. Don’t stay friends with your ex
No matter how amicable your breakup is, do not promise to stay friends. You need to keep a safe distance for a while in order to truly heal from this. Seeing his face on a regular basis is going to make it impossible.
Perhaps with time, you’re going to be able to be pleasant with each other and be okay with seeing him without feeling bad, but definitely not yet. Give it time and keep your distance. For your own sake.
You don’t need a man in your life with whom you just broke it off with due to his issues. What you need is a healthy, stable circle of close friends and family. Only time will tell if you can maybe be friendly in the future.
5. You don’t need to be his savior (let him figure his shit out)
The last thing you need is to save him from himself. That is no longer your job. You may wish him well and hope he gets better, but you definitely shouldn’t play a role in it.
He needs to figure his shit out himself. Until he realizes how he can be better for both himself and his potential partner, you shouldn’t feel the need to help him figure it out.
He’s a mature grown up and he needs to learn how to act like it. It’s his responsibility and nobody else’s.
6. Find positive ways to spend your newfound free time
Now that you’re out of that dysfunctional relationship, you’ll find you’ve got so much free time on your hands! You can find a hobby to keep you busy (yoga, gym, sports, etc.). Or you can spend more time with your nearest and dearest.
It’s all up to you. You’ll meet lots of new people and stay so busy that you’ll barely have time to think about your ex. Keeping yourself occupied post breakup is priority.
For as long as you’re still feeling nostalgic and jaded, keep doing things that will distract you. With time, you’ll forget all about him and start feeling like a brand new person, and that’s the whole point!