Relationships are the basis upon which we build our life. They bring meaning to our life and make us want to keep going. So, when you lose a relationship with a loved one, it is almost like losing a part of yourself and you’re left with a void that you don’t know how to fill anymore.
You feel like you’ve lost your meaning and your purpose in life and nothing is making much sense anymore. You are left with a distorted perception of yourself, due to the fact that you’ve identified yourself as somebody’s girlfriend, rather than as your own unique individual. And the more you wallow in this sense of feeling lost, the harder it will be to find a way back from that hole to the girl you were not so long ago. The best way to start healing is to accept that there is a part of you that no longer exists and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can go through the steps needed in order to heal and forget.
HOW TO FORGET SOMEONE
1. The first thing you need to do is find a new purpose, a new reason to breathe.
Surrounding yourself with people who care about you is always a good idea. Spend time with your nearest and dearest, find a friend or a family member who you connect with the most and spend time talking to them about anything and everything. This will bring meaning back into your life.
Sure, it takes time before you start forgetting him and feeling better but when you spend time with people in your life who love you and care about your well-being, you will automatically start regaining some sense of self and realize that there are reasons to live after all. You might still miss that special someone you lost but you will have more time now to focus on other parts of your life that you may have neglected.
In order to truly feel like there is still some meaning to your life, you really need to dedicate time to actually trying to cultivate the existing relationships in your life and let them speak for themselves. Don’t force anything, go with the flow of things and just observe how you are slowly but surely regaining your old self.
2. Stop seeing the relationship for something that is wasn’t.
You were in love and he was a gigantic part of your life. It is not easy to feel good about yourself after losing that. In order to forget a person who meant so much to you, you need to stop picturing it in your head as something that it wasn’t.
I bet all you can think about now is how perfect you two were together. He was the yin to your yang, the sunshine to your storm and the missing piece of your puzzle.
Let me break it to you. If all that were true, you wouldn’t be here right now, reading this, trying to find the best way to forget his very existence. You need to get a grip on yourself and start seeing your relationship for what it was. There was love, yes. But there were also many problems and obstacles you were facing on a regular basis. Memories are a funny thing. You see what you want to see and remember what is most suitable for the narrative you are telling yourself right now.
You are feeling lost, life has lost all meaning, so you are clinging on to the failed relationship as this perfect thing that made you whole. Honey, if it was that perfect, why are you reading this? If you are in denial as to what it really was like, then you most probably had a toxic relationship. And now, you are telling yourself fairy tales in order not to feel even worse about yourself.
It’s hard accepting the harsh reality, I know. But the sooner you can bring yourself to face facts, the sooner you’ll start healing. People don’t break up because they did something bad to each other. They break up because they are bad for each other. Let that sink in. When two people are meant to be together, in the end they always find their way back. But when it is this hard, it’s probably best to face the music and go your own way before it spirals out of control.
3. Dedicate some time solely to yourself and your thoughts.
Being alone might seem daunting now, since you are so fragile and unsure of how to go on. But spending time with yourself and finding what it is that you want and need from life right now should be of the utmost importance. If you are constantly surrounded by people, how are you ever going to let yourself feel good about being alone?
I’m not saying don’t spend time with your loved ones as that is extremely important in figuring this solo situation out. But also, it is healthy to go somewhere without anyone to keep you company. Invest in yourself. Have some peace and quiet and simply reflect on your life. If you are so focused on forgetting the person who is no longer there, you will never succeed in doing so. The only way is to connect with yourself and focus on making yourself as healthy and happy as possible, without constantly trying to make yourself forget.
If your entire identity has gone along with the relationship, you need some serious soul searching. Figure out what your needs are. Figure out who you are outside of the relationship. See what interests you and makes you feel good again. Rediscover yourself before starting to fall for someone new too soon.
When you lose awareness of yourself, you are in no way ready for anything new. That is a recipe for a new disaster. Don’t be ashamed of taking your time. There is no time limit here, nor is there a bad way to do this. You do whatever you need to do to feel better about yourself again and the rest will fall into place organically.
4. Focus on what it is that you really need at this moment.
Relationships end when one or both parties are frustrated with the other over their needs not being met. It is a process that culminates when things become just too much to handle.
The main problem with this is that those needs are perhaps not communicated well enough or simply lost in translation and the other person feels neglected, ignored or unimportant. The other person is unsure of what is needed of them and it all results in confrontations and arguments that could’ve been avoided if communicated properly. You feel emotional and react emotionally and nobody can really blame you. You have to tell yourself that you are important and your needs are important. And if you are finding it so hard to communicate that to your partner, could it be because he is not the one for you after all?
You are entitled to your needs. You have every right to find the thing that works for you, without things getting lost in translation. You have every right to feel secure in your relationship. If you are not getting that, then it’s good riddance. It is a healthy option to go your separate ways and rediscover yourself and your needs in order to be better for somebody else in the future.
5. Embrace your newfound singlehood and learn to be happy again.
In the process of figuring out what it is you are meant to do with your life now, embrace your new freedom. See it as a beautiful, new, positive experience that will help you get in touch with your old self again and perhaps make you see that it’s not that bad after all.
Once you learn to be okay on your own, you will be ready to move on and truly forget the person you once loved. You will see much more clearly that it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies that you had pictured in your mind. You will see it exactly for what it was; a messy, complicated relationship where two people just couldn’t find common ground on many things and made each other’s lives unbearable on a daily basis.
When you see that, you will be on the right path and ready and healthy enough to go back to your old, amazing self, who has so much to offer, should the right person appear, and they will. The important thing is never to lose faith in yourself. You are amazing. And one day, somebody will know how to appreciate you. But until that day comes, you will be happy and fulfilled just the way you are—single and not needing anyone to complete you. Because you are a badass chick and nobody can tell you otherwise!