It’s relatively normal for relationships to reach that stagnant point, where the love turns into a simple gesture somewhere in between your morning and evening routine. This can happen to many of us with our extremely busy lives or even with relaxed and easy going lifestyles. Relationships losing their interest and spark is a natural course, but just because you may not be feeling that roller coaster rush like you did during your first few weeks of dating, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel something just as good a few months deep into the relationship.
If you want to bring your focus back on her, it can sometimes feel a little overwhelming or daunting. Relationships, especially those that you want to take from short-term to long-term, all the while keeping them fun and exciting, takes some effort from both partners. If you’re feeling like your girl is losing her charm over you, or that you’re just not as into the relationship as you used to be, here are some ways to get the relationship, and your focus, back on track.
25-Reflect On The Good She Does For You
Sometimes we get too caught up in the hustle and bustle of our everyday life. Especially, with the amounts of coffee and energy drinks most of us drink, we’re on the rush running two or three steps ahead of where we actually are. This causes a lot of anxiety and a lack of presence. This rush of anxiety directly affects those closest to us, our girlfriends and family. You may be infusing more bad into your relationship than you would like to take credit for. Take a break from the overpowering rush, and reflect on what attracted you to your girlfriend in the first place. You may be pleasantly surprised and find many attributes you have been taking for granted.
24-Make A Conscious Effort To Do Nice Things For Her
When we do thoughtful things for others it not only makes them feel good, but also ourselves. Doing nice things for her will bring positive feelings back into the relationship and may change the stale pace your relationship may be trotting. Who knows? Maybe she’ll get inspired by your thoughtful acts and try to repay your kindness. This may even begin a new inspiring loop of positive behavior within the relationship and a new sense of appreciation flowing both ways.
23-Give Her Positive Qualities An Opportunity To Shine
Sometimes we get caught in our daily routines and our lives and relationships suffer from the seemingly mundane repetition. Our routines may not bring out the best sides of us, the fun, enthusiastic and inspiring sides, but rather, the lethargic, tired, and potentially grumpy sides. Try to break the routine and plan an exciting activity that makes her shine. Maybe her glow will reawaken the feelings that attracted you to her in the first place. We hope so!
22-Take A Time Out
Is it just your relationship with your girlfriend which is uninspiring, or is it many other aspects of your life which you feel relatively numb to? Try to go for a challenging run, hike, or climb and physically exert yourself. A break from your schedule and into your body or the mountains can give you a truly clear perspective of all the good you have and should appreciate. Who knows? Maybe she’s actually the top on your list.
21-Pay Attention To Wandering Eyes
We are living in the age of selfies and a heightened awareness of the self and our image. This means, there are many videos and photos floating around that are meant to attract a wide range of people, especially those of the opposite sex. Try not to let your imagination drift too far from reality and strengthen yourself against all those images and videos that are aimed directly at your desiring eyes. You may lose sight of what’s real.
20-Remember The Grass Isn’t Always Greener On The Other Side
Sometimes we tend to fantasize and romanticize about other possibilities. Maybe the girl in the cafe is flirting with you, or the girl in your class, but is she just having fun, or is she actually into you? Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and shoot too high. While in a financial field this may be a good move, sometimes in the romantic field it can be detrimental to your relationships and your true self.
19-Stay Grounded In Reality
The internet is jam packed with unrealistic images and videos of women. This can trick us into believing there are many women out there like that, who may be interested in you. Why not take a step back and actually consider if this is the kind of person you can actually imagine spending a long weekend with? Then consider your girl, and think about all of the ways that make her real and attractive for who she is, not who she is pretending to be.
18-Consider What A Future With Her Would Look Like
There was something, hopefully, more than one thing, that attracted you to her in the first place. If you’ve been together for this long, there are probably many things that are working and that are comfortable. Try to imagine your life together in the next 5 years, can you imagine the fun and exciting events you can share together and enjoy? Try to discuss potential plans for the two of you to get back into the relationship and recharge the thrill you began the journey with.
17-Take On A Challenge Together
Imagine hiking for 8 long hours to the top of a mountain and just as you get to the summit, you feel the ground flattening beneath you, you’re beginning to see more sky than rocks and feet, you’re just about to have that satisfying moment, and there you are, you’ve finally made it! And you look to your right, and there is no one there to share this fulfilling feeling with. Now imagine that experience with her. These challenging experiences that lead to euphoric moments build the love and the heat.
16-Remember That It Takes Two
Do you feel like you’re actually seeing the whole picture? Try taking a good look in the mirror and understand yourself. Is it her that’s causing this stagnation, or is it perhaps someone else in the relationship? It’s most likely both of you. Now is a good moment to wake yourself up and realize all of the ways you can reassert yourself into your romantic self and elevate your relationship with the girl you love.
15-Subtle Acts Of Kindness
You don’t have to be that guy who shows up with a big bouquet of flowers to show her how much you love her, maybe that’s just not your style, and that’s okay. Why not try to do small subtle acts of kindness for her and for yourself and see how that changes your perspective of the relationship? For instance, vacuum the house while she’s not home so she doesn’t have to do it, or make her breakfast with a little extra love, something simple that you will both enjoy, and see how these gestures change the way you feel.
14-Count Your Blessings
Could it be that you just don’t appreciate the things and people you have in your life? We’re not pointing any fingers, none that we couldn’t point directly at ourselves as well. Take a break from your regular way of thinking and try to focus on love and gratitude, not just for your girlfriend but for all the people you have in your life and for yourself, and see how something as simple as that can have a majorly positive impact on your relationships.
13-Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
How much are the two of you really laughing? Not like a little snort from a cute joke every now and then, but a real out of control belly laughter? Try to take situations more lightly, especially situations between the two of you, rather than get angry or frustrated, try and see what happens when you start to take things more lightheartedly. Diffuse the negative energy with kind laughter and watch how your relationship grows.
12-Remember Why You Started
Reflect on the reasons why you took things further with her than you did with other girls. There is something there that attracted you to her beyond your first impression. Take a grand step backward and see her for who she truly is and not the difficulties in your relationship. You may find something there, something you have been missing this whole time that reawakens your love and passion for your girl, it’s worth a shot.
11-Get Close And Cozy
After some time in a relationship, we tend to get more distant in the comfort and ease. Keeping the intimacy in a relationship may not come as naturally as we may have expected. Find the places where you’re slacking and see if you can add more intimacy into your relationship. The effort will far exceed the results, as long as you keep the intention and love in mind. Plan a camping trip under the stars and get warm and cozy next to the girl you love.
10-Celebrate Good News
If something good has happened to either of you, make a big celebration out of it. It doesn’t need to be something as big as a promotion to VP of your company, but it could be something as simple as your little sister graduating from middle school. If one of you graduated, accepted to a program, or got a new job or apartment, then even better. Make a good time of it, you’ve got nothing to lose (besides a little dough).
9-Lay Off The Negativity
Focusing on the negative all the time is both exhausting and attractive. Why do we do it so often? There must be some Freudian psychological answer out there, but the explanation is not the point, the mindset is. Your relationship could be suffering because you simply have been focusing on all of the negative aspects of your life, day, or relationship. Shift your daily mindset to small positive occurrences and see how much your relationships and your happiness benefit.
8-Find Your Best Self In Her
You may not know it, but we are often attracted to those who are similar to us in unexpected ways. Why not take the time to find all the ways she brings out your best self and all the ways you bring out her best self? You may have strikingly similar personality traits which may have been what this attraction was all about. We bet if you take an honest look at your best self, you may find she has something to do with it.
7-Look For Improvement
Many of us change in relationships. Either we change because our partners have influenced us in a particular way, or because relationships give us that warm and settled feeling. No doubt she has changed from the person you first met at that New Years party, why not focus on the positive ways she has changed since the two of you began this passionate love story? We hope this new perspective triggers a new rush of passion and love.
6-Can You Get Vulnerable Too?
Some of us enter relationships with a lot of baggage and a many tough and difficult walls. We try to protect ourselves as much as possible, without even realizing that’s what we’re doing. Take a minute and ask yourself if you have truly let your girl in. If the answer is a quiet ‘no’ try to trust her more. Letting down some walls may open up all that passion you’ve kept for yourself in fear, and can raise your relationship to higher levels.
5-Write Out The Good Stuff
If you’re finding yourself trapped in a corner and can’t remember what it was that brought you here, to begin with, write it out. There is no better way to organize yourself than taking it out of your abstract mind and seeing the facts on the page before you. Write out all of the things you love about her, all of the ways you find her adorable and attractive, and see if this changes how you feel. If you want to show it to her after you’re done, that’s up to you.
4-What Can You Give?
Do you think its possible you’ve been focusing too much on her shortcomings and not your own? Take a moment and reflect on all of the good and love you give to the relationship. Where can you give more? Where have you been holding back? If you change your habits within your relationship, the entire relationship will benefit. Either way, it will be good for your own self-improvement. A win-win situation.
3-Have You Told Her What You Need?
Good communication is essential for healthy growing relationships. If your relationship is stuck at a standstill, it could be due to a detrimental lack of communication. If the two of you don’t work out how to express your needs to one another, both of you will suffer in the relationship. Figure out what you need and learn how to express to her what you need as clearly and calmly as possible, most probably she will understand and respect you for it.
2-Express Your Doubts
Sometimes it’s a wise move to express your doubts to your girlfriend, and sometimes it’s not. This all depends on the type of girl you’re with, we hope you know better than we do. Expressing your doubts to your partner may help you see more clearly if these doubts are really rooted in the relationship or if they are self-curated. Learn to work together through the dull moments and work at pouring in the passion, it only takes a little effort.
1-Find Activities That You Both Enjoy
At this point, there must be at least 5 activities that you love to do together. If not, try something new, but if you don’t have the time to get creative, then no one will judge you for leaning on what works. Many may think the wiser of you. Do something nice and simple for the two of you, go to the movies, a restaurant you both enjoy, a walk around the neighborhood, or a drive to the docks. Take the time to take a break from your phone and computer and truly be with the girl who you love.