You might think your crush is just really shy because he still hasn’t asked you out on a date in, like, weeks. But are you sure he’s not trying to tell you that he doesn’t see you in a romantic way? It can be really easy to confuse shy signals with uninterested ones. For example, if a guy doesn’t talk to you when you’re around, leaving you to initiate conversation, you might think that it’s just because he’s an introverted guy. But, if he’s giving you one-word answers all the time, you can’t really write him off as simply being shy. The thing to remember is that no matter how shy or introverted a guy seems to be, if he’s interested in dating you, he will step up to the plate and make a move! If you refuse to believe that, you might end up in situations where you waste your time and headspace on trying to figure out a guy’s behavior. Rather save your energy for a guy who’s not giving you mixed messages! And, remember these 20 signs that the guy’s actually not shy – he just doesn’t want to date you.
20-He’s Painfully Quiet Around You, But Talkative Around Others
When a guy can’t seem to hold a conversation with you, you might think he’s so interested that he’s clamming up. Cute, right? This can be true, but to be 100% sure that this is the case, check out what he’s like around other people. If he’s super quiet around you but really talkative around others, then something’s wrong. It means that he’s able to talk confidently, so why wouldn’t he be thrilling you with his company? Instead of assuming he’s shy around you because he likes you, it’s more likely that he’s not interested.
19-He Fidgets A Lot In Your Company
Twitching and fidgeting are body language signs that someone’s anxious or nervous. For example, maybe when you try to talk to your crush he always fiddles with his pen or backpack strap. It might actually be the case that he’s anxious because he doesn’t want to be in the situation, so don’t immediately assume he’s interested in you. Besides, if he’s always fidgeting in your company, even though you’ve spoken to him several times, you have to ask yourself if he’d not be over his nerves by now. It’s also important to make sure you’re understanding his body language correctly. As Beliefnet points out, “When a guy isn’t interested, he’ll [appear] more standoffish than anxious.”
18-He Looks Comfortable Around Other Women, Just Not You
You see him laughing and joking with other women, and maybe even being confident enough to hug them. He certainly looks comfortable around them, so why does he look rigid and weird around you? Although you might think this means he’s romantically interested in you because his behavior is different with you when compared with other women, that’s dangerous because it can make you assume things about him that you don’t know. Ultimately, no matter how shy a guy is with you, if he likes you he’ll want to be his best self around you.
17-He Leaves You To Initiate Conversations
He’s so shy, he never texts you first. If you’ve said this about him to your friends, are you sure he’s not just avoiding you because he’s not interested? If you’re always texting him first and he seems to enjoy chatting, by now he should behave a bit more comfortably and feel ready to initiate contact because he knows that you enjoy chatting to him and/or that you’re interested in him. So why would he still be holding back? It just doesn’t make sense, no matter how shy he is.
16-He Doesn’t Keep The Conversation Going
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that having a conversation with your shy guy can be quite painful at times. It sometimes feels like you’re trying to pull the words out of his mouth! Phew, is it supposed to be so much hard work? If you’re warm and open with him and you make talking to him really easy, why wouldn’t he relax in your company?
The thing about shy guys is that, even though they’re shy, they’re not going to give you moody or distant vibes.
They’ll still be warm and friendly. If that’s not happening, he’s not interested.
15-He Never Shares Personal Or Deep Information About Himself
Yes, it takes a bit more time for the introverted guy to open up to you about his thoughts and feelings, but if you’ve been chatting to him for weeks or months and he still doesn’t open up at all, something’s wrong.
When someone’s interested in you, it’s because they feel you’re on the same page and you’re someone they want to invite into their world.
If you’re always getting emotional doors slammed in your face by the shy guy, then he’s keeping you out for a reason and it’s not due to his personality or social anxiety.
14-He Never Asks You Questions
You’re always the one asking him questions about himself, but he never repays the favor. What gives? The thing is, if he’s quite happy to talk about himself, then he’s not avoiding asking you questions because he’s shy but because he’s simply not interested or he’s self-absorbed!
Even if he’s generally a shy or quiet guy, if he can talk about himself, he shouldn’t have problems turning the spotlight onto you sometimes.
This back-and-forth conversation is an important thing to look out for when sussing out a guy’s interest in you.
13-His Friends Tell You He’s Interested, But Nothing Comes Of It
He’s so shy, his friends have to tell you he’s interested in asking you out. But wait, if he’s so interested, why has he left that information to collect dust? Why hasn’t he actually asked you out?
It’s fine to give the shy guy some time to pluck up the courage to show you he’s interested, but if it doesn’t happen for a long time, there’s probably another reason for it than his shyness.
Maybe he’s not as interested as his friends claim or his feelings have changed. If a guy likes you, nothing will stand in the way of him making you his!
12-He Looks Bored During Conversations
A shy guy might appear a bit awkward or uncomfortable when you first start chatting to him, and that’s normal. But after a while, he’ll open up. However, if he seems bored around you, such as by breathing heavily or staring into space, that’s something completely different and a sure sign he’s not interested in having a conversation or going on a date with you. Just because a guy’s shy or quiet, it doesn’t mean that he’ll put you off in such a way, so don’t confuse the two things as this can cause you to waste your time and energy on a guy who really doesn’t deserve it.
11-Even Via Text, Conversations Feel Strained
Vice reports that a study published in the Computers in Human Behaviorjournal found that computer-based chatting, such as email, texting, and social media, are thought to positively boost one’s self-esteem more than communicating in person or on the phone.
These types of communication can definitely help make someone more comfortable if they’re painfully shy or anxious from social situations.
So if the shy guy you’re talking to can’t speak to you in person or via text, that’s a possible sign he’s just not interested. If he liked you, he’d try to find the most comfortable way to talk to you.
10-He’s Kind, But To Everyone
One of the things you might like most about your shy guy is that he’s always so kind. He smiles when you approach him and he opens the door for you when you both step into the classroom or office. That doesn’t mean that he’s necessarily interested, though. Again, it’s important to take notice of how he behaves around other people. If he’s generally warm and considerate to those he meets, from his friends to the old lady he helps across the road, then that’s just his nature, it’s not a sign of romantic interest.
9-He’s Always Around, But Never Really Makes An Effort With You
Maybe you have a lot of mutual friends, or you like to hang out at the same places. When you cross paths, you might talk a bit or share a laugh. But, just because the shy guy’s always around, that’s not necessarily something to write home about. The real thing to look for is effort. Does he seem to search for you so you can talk? Does he try to keep the conversation going when you run into each other? Does he make plans to meet you another time, perhaps when no one else is present? He should want to do more than just “hang out!”
8-People Say He’s Shy, But You Know He’s Had Other Relationships
Even though he might be a super shy guy, if you know he’s had previous relationships, that means he is capable of making the first move or at least be flirty enough to get a girl interested. He can’t be that shy if he’s gone on dates in the past. And shy or not, if he’s dragging his feet to ask you out, it seems the real problem is that he’s not choosing to make a move.
7-He Struggles To Make Eye Contact, Every Time
It’s not easy to make eye contact, and this can be even more uncomfortable for someone who’s shy. It might be hard for him to look into your eyes because it’s so personal. But even if this is the case, he’ll show you other positive body language. He’ll smile or at least glance into your eyes during conversation. If it feels like you’re talking to a brick wall or he doesn’t even look your way once the entire time, then maybe something else is going on. He might be rude or just not interested in giving you the time of day.
6-He Never Looks Your Way
There’s making eye contact and then there’s looking your way. You know when you like someone and you catch them glancing your way when they think you’re not noticing? That right there is classic crush behavior. It’s also easy for the shy guy to do because he won’t feel stuck in the uncomfortable situation of trying to make eye contact.
The thing is, when someone likes you, they’ll want to look at you.
If you’re often around your crush but he never looks your way, even if you had to rock bright purple hair or a cartoon suit, then that’s a sure sign he doesn’t have eyes for you.
5-He Treats You Like One Of His Buddies
Friendship can be the first step in becoming a couple, especially for the shy guy who battles to make a romantic move. But it’s easy to fool yourself into thinking that he’s treating you like one of his best friends because he doesn’t have the courage to ask you out.
The truth is, if he really likes you, he’ll show you that he does. He won’t call you “buddy” or pat your back like you’re one of the guys.
He’ll take an interest in you and show you that even though he’s shy, he really wants to spend time with you and he’ll be jealous when you date someone else. Most importantly, as Thought Catalog points out, he won’t give you mixed messages.
4-He Doesn’t Respond When You Make A Move
Shy guys love it when a woman they’re interested in makes the first move. It takes the pressure off them having to do it!
So, if you’ve made the first move on a guy and he doesn’t reciprocate your efforts, there’s your answer right there — the problem isn’t that he’s shy or socially awkward, but that he’s not interested in you in that way.
For example, as Thought Catalog points out, a difference between a shy guy and one who’s simply not interested is that the shy guy might not start a conversation with you but he’ll be enthusiastic when you do.
3-He’s Too Busy To Chat With You, Even When You Approach Him One-On-One
A guy who likes you won’t be too busy to chat with you every time you try to engage with him. Telling yourself that he’s avoiding you because he’s shy doesn’t make sense. If you’re meeting him one-on-one instead of in a group, that removes most of the social pressure, which should make it easier for him to speak to you. In addition, if he likes you, that means he’s singled you out as someone he’d want to get to know better — not push away. He might be shy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be around someone he likes. He’s only human!
2-He Doesn’t Make You Feel Comfortable
The thing about shy, introverted guys is they know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable in social settings. Since they’re in tune with how they feel, this can make them more empathetic to others. That means, they’re not likely to make you feel uncomfortable. Although they might battle to speak to people, because they like you they’ll most likely try to reach you with warmth and friendliness. Don’t forget, they want to make a good impression on you because they like you. So, if you feel like they’re giving you the cold shoulder, that’s probably because they’re deliberately being off with you.
1-His Gaze Wanders When You Try To Engage With Him
If his eyes wander every time you try to have an interaction with him, there’s probably a bigger reason for it than the fact that he’s shy: he’s not interested. If his gaze seems to seek out other people or things in the room, then it’s a slap in the face rather than a sign that he’s too shy to talk to women.
It’s like he’s trying to show you with his body language that he’d rather be talking to other people or doing something else with his time.
Don’t waste your time on him. The guy’s not interested.