You’ve made it past the first and second date. Things are starting to get more comfortable and you can see this going somewhere. But hold tight! You are not in the clear just yet as far as judgement goes.
After only a few dates it is still too soon to be closing in on him or getting too comfortable with your looks and behaviour. Avoid these common mistakes that are sure to kill your chances at being his girlfriend. Don’t worry, everyone has made them, but now is the time to learn and be conscious of them for next time.Continue Scrolling To Keep Reading
15-Putting out on the first date
It is no doubt he wants to sleep with you. He probably undressed you with his eyes the minute you walked in the door. But know that if he is looking for something serious he will want to know you don’t put out on the first date, because most people that are serious don’t. This is the time to get to know each other in regards to common interests and personality.
14-Texting too much
We get it. You are excited. You want to text and text and text all day because you want to learn everything there is to learn about this potential love interest. Here is the catch… there is a fine line between being interested and being clingy. Some typical guidelines:
Don’t text more than 3 messages if he has not responded.
Do not send a bunch of small messages. Save up your thoughts and send 1 short paragraph. This way you are not blowing up his phone.
Every once in a while hold off and wait for him to text you first.
When you are together give him some breathing room. Let’s say you are wandering around a market or fair, do not be constantly holding his hand or wrapped around his arm. If he strays off for a moment to look at a booth see if there is something nearby for you to look at as well, or casually walk over and join him. Do not act like you are tied to the hip. A man needs to breathe!
12-Being on the phone constantly
The need to look popular is a real one, but popularity and being inconsiderate are very different things. Checking your phone once while he is in the washroom or asking if he would mind if you checked your email quickly are perfectly reasonable. Anything outside of that though is not. This is his time. Whether it is your first date or you are 2 months in, he should feel like you want your attention to be on him. His time is as valuable as yours and expecting him to watch you look down at a screen is inconsiderate.
11-Comparing him to your ex
Whether it is verbally or inside there will always be a wall up. Verbally, however, is a hard one to get over. The minute “my ex and I used to…” comes out of your mouth you better be careful what you say. Not only does this imply that you are comparing your new man to your ex, but also that you are still thinking about your ex in general! Once in a while it is okay to bring it up – “my ex and I used to go to markets and impulse buy Christmas ornaments” – but only if there is a good story behind it. To be safe, just keep your ex out of the picture and focus on what you and your new love interest can do together.
10-Talking trash about your ex
On the flip side, nobody wants to hear you talk trash about someone you previously dated, especially your new date. It comes off as negative and reflects worse on you than it does on the ex. Your new date will wonder if you talk badly about all of your ex’s and will question if he is just next on the list. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. So talking about your ex in a negative way may come off as you not yet over him. It’s better to speak highly of him (on rare occasions) or not bring him up at all.
9-Being consistently late
Traffic happens. So does ‘I got home from work and fell asleep on the couch and then couldn’t find my keys and am pretty sure the clock jumped forward an hour’, but excuses are just that, excuses. Back to the thought of your dates’ time being valuable… don’t keep him waiting. Tardiness is unattractive in a workplace, to friends, and to dates because it shows a lack of respect – and all anyone wants in a relationship is to be respected.
8-Too serious too soon
Your mind may have gone to marriage as fast as his went to undressing you, but those are both things you keep to yourselves. It takes a very long time to really get to know someone and if you are not even committed to each other through dating it is a big no-no to bring up kids and nuptials. Yes, it is okay to ask if the person wants kids because that is important to know for compatibility, but choosing kids names or honeymoon locations is sure to scare him off.
7-Dressing down when you should have dressed up
Don’t get comfortable too quickly. If he is coming to your house to hang out before going to a movie try to be ready beforehand. Sometimes the illusion of upkeep is nice to keep alive for a little while. Opening the door with curlers in your hair and wearing flannel pajamas kills the spark and excitement he had when he knocked and was excited to see you. That said, if you invited him over to lounge in sweatpants and watch a movie then do so – but only if you are both loving the idea.
6-Being high strung
Men are looking for women that keep them grounded and make the mundane fun. Not every day can be a peaceful day in front of the fire, so show him that you are easy going and positive even in high stress situations. Stuck in traffic on the way to dinner? Consider it an opportunity to spend some quality time singing to the radio together. Miss your reservation? Enjoy walking around your beautiful city looking for a new place to eat. Everyone has enough stress and the person he is looking to come home to at night should not add to that, unnecessarily.
5-Making rude noises in public
This goes for anyone. Do not burp or fart in public. It is unattractive and rather rude. It should really go without saying, but even if you think he is the kind of guy who would laugh with you about it, he is probably still a little turned off. Just be polite whenever possible and save the bodily functions for a private place – probably without him there.
4-Hanging out too often
Seeing a guy twice a week means that you guys are really starting to like each other and are looking to spend time together. But be weary of the third time in one week. For some reason this is where things can start to feel more serious and if you are both not yet in that place than it can feel like a lot of pressure. Until you have decided that you do indeed want to spend more time together, and possibly nix the other daters, keep it to twice a week. You always want to seem like you have more going on in your life than just him so that he will not fear clinging in the future.
3-Sending nude pictures
Same goes with the putting out on the first date. If he was looking for a relationship of the ___ual nature would probably not be looking for the long term. Keeping things slightly more conservative will allow him to think with the right head and really want to get to know you without the temporary distraction of ___. He wants to see you as a girl he’d bring home to mamma, and a picture of you with only a cowboy hat on does not fit that scenario.
2-Making fun of him/Putting him down
You may be teasing but men have sensitive egos – something like a chandelier, the bigger they are the more delicate they are and the harder they fall. Men want their girlfriends to be their cheerleaders. They are looking for someone to support them and who looks at them every day and thinks ‘wow, this man is truly impressive. I am so lucky I found him,’ because they is how he wants to look at you too. Avoid nagging or telling him he is stupid or picking on his sense of style too much, or you wont have anything left before long.
1-Being too competitive
A little competition is fun to keep the spark lit in a relationship. Go bowling, have a game of squash, play cards and place bets like ‘winner makes dinner’. This is fun! That said, it can easily turn into a little too much aggression and a big downhill spiral. When you are playing Mario Kart it is okay to nudge his shoulder playfully to throw him off, but to push him off the couch or yell “HA! I WIN. YOU SUCK” if you cross the line first, you may be losing everywhere else.