When you start dating someone, you don’t want them to move too fast. Even if you really like them, rushing through relationship milestones usually points to a whirlwind romance that’s not going to last, or a guy who’s trying way too hard to make you like him, only to end things in as much of a rush. That’s why it’s good to be careful when dating guys who tell you they love you or want to meet your parents when they don’t even know you. However, while going too fast can be a red flag, going too slowly is also problematic. If you’re moving so slowly that you’re not really progressing as a couple, something’s wrong. A guy who can’t define or commit to your relationship is clearly not serious enough about you. This could result in you wasting your time on a guy who’s not worth dating. Likewise, if he’s being lazy about dating you, you might end up having to do the chasing, which isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. Here are 10 signs he’s moving too fast and 10 signs that he’s got to pick up some speed, otherwise, you’re heading for a dating dead-end.
20-Too fast: He Wants To Meet Your Folks Right Away
Meeting the folks is a big step in a relationship. It’s not something that most people take lightly, especially because they want to feel secure in their relationships before bringing them into the rest of their lives. It’s important to know that the person’s right for you and has long-term potential before you let them meet your loved ones. If the guy’s rushing into these introductions when you don’t even know him well enough, it can make you feel anxious or uncomfortable. Besides, what’s the rush? Isn’t it better to see where you’re both at before you make your relationship experience the stress and seriousness of meeting the parents?
19-Too Fast: He’s Told You He Loves You But You Don’t Really Know Him
When a guy tells you that he’s in love with you when he doesn’t know who you really are and what you’re about, you have to ask yourself if he’s perhaps feeling lust instead of love. Although the idea of love at first sight can be exciting, the truth is, it takes time to fall in love with someone because it takes so much time to get to know them on a deeper level — it can’t just happen within a few hours or dates. Love is an investment in the person!
18-Too fast: He Wants To Be With You All The Time
When you start dating someone new, chances are you feel tempted to spend as much time as possible with them. This is totally normal, but it can be dangerous. If the guy wants to see you every day, he might be rushing into the relationship a bit much to the point where he’s neglecting the rest of his life and causing you to do the same thing with yours. If you only have time and energy for the love in your life, you’re not going to be able to nurture all your other priorities. It’s also better to take your time to get to know someone so you hold onto a bit of the mystery and anticipation. It’s much more fun that way!
17-Too fast: He Checks In Via Text Throughout The Day
You want your partner to chat with you regularly, even daily, via text. It’s a nice feeling that you’re being included in his life. But if he’s chatting to you throughout the day and sending you messages to check in with you every few hours, such as “What are you doing now?” it can start to feel clingy instead of enjoyable. It’s important not to let texting your partner take over the whole relationship. Taking some time apart to do your own things is healthy: it prevents boring text messages and gives you much more interesting things to talk about when you do get in touch later.
16-Too fast: He’s Invited You To An Event Six Months In Advance, And You’ve Only Been Dating A Few Weeks
It’s a good sign when a guy invites you to future dates. It shows you that he sees you as long-term girlfriend potential. However, there’s a catch. If you haven’t been dating all that long and he’s too quick to invite you to an event in the future, such as a wedding that’s six months away or a holiday that’s happening in a year’s time, this can be a bit presumptuous. Who’s to say what will happen or how you’ll feel that far into the future? It’s like he’s already assuming you’re so into him that you’ve planned your whole future around him.
15-Too fast: He’s Talked About Soulmates And It Felt Too Heavy
Much like talking about religion or politics, the subject of soulmates can be a bit too heavy during the early stages of dating. When your new boyfriend talks about soulmates, it might make you think that he’s hinting you’re his soulmate, which would probably give you the impression that he’s getting ahead of himself. You might have an amazing connection from the start of your relationship, but you don’t want to feel like the guy’s already expecting you to marry him or putting lots of expectations on the relationship too quickly.
14-Too fast: He’s Already Told All His Friends About You
You’ve gone on two dates and the guy’s told you that all his friends already know about you. Yikes! You might wonder what they know about you and feel the pressure to meet them, which can be stressful if you haven’t been dating all that long. In addition, if he’s talking to all his friends about you, it sounds like he’s gushing about having met you. That’s really what he’s saying. On the one hand, this can be sweet, but on the other it’s a bit too much — it might even make you think he’s a tad desperate.
13-Too fast: He Compliments You All The Time
Who doesn’t appreciate a compliment from the person they’re dating? A compliment makes you feel acknowledged and valued by your partner. But, too much of a good thing can quickly turn sour. If you don’t know the guy and he’s always singing your praises, it starts to feel insincere. As relationship coach Jonathan Bennett tells Bustle,
“Too many compliments can wear thin, especially if you feel your partner is doing it for selfish reasons (like wanting something from you).
In addition, complimenting you excessively could be a function of your partner’s insecurity, whether to try to get you to give more compliments in return or as a form of sucking up.”
12-Too fast: He Tells You Regularly That He’s Thinking Of You
You want the person you’re dating to think of you, but if he regularly tells you how much you’ve been on his mind, it can feel like TMI during the early stages of your relationship. It could make you feel pressure because he’s got strong feelings for you already. You might also feel like he’s trying too hard to charm you. And, in an extreme case, it could point to him being a little obsessed with you. When it comes to saying you’re on his mind all day, less really is more.
11-Too fast: He’s Asked You About Marriage And Children
In the same way that talking about soulmates is a bit too much too soon, discussing marriage and kids after one or two dates can be a negative thing. It kills the lighthearted vibe you want to enjoy during the early stages of your relationship. It can make you feel put on the spot if you don’t know where you stand on the whole marriage and kids thing. Or, it could feel like the guy’s desperate to hit those relationship milestones. There’s no doubt that these topics are definitely something to discuss once you’ve known each other for a long time so that they’re not overwhelming.
10-Too slowly: You Have To Initiate Contact
How often does your partner initiate contact? If you’re always the one who has to drop him a text first, that’s not a good sign. Communication should be more balanced than that because it shows that you’re both making a decent effort to get to know each other and invest in the relationship. When it’s one-sided, it’s often a bad sign that one person is giving more to the relationship while the other one’s happily coasting along. This is unfair and can hint at one person having more interest than the other.
9-Too slowly: It Takes Him Weeks Or Months Of Texting Before He Asks You Out
If you’re only texting each other instead of seeing each other in real life, it’s troubling. Although it’s good to get to know each other via text, too much of that often gives the impression that your partner’s not interested in having a real relationship where you can put your phones aside and concentrate on getting to know each other in person. Why hide behind your screens? Too much texting and no dates also point to him stringing you along. He’s showing just enough interest to keep you hanging, with no intention of making things more serious.
8-Too slowly: He Gives You Mixed Messages
If your partner is inconsistent where one minute he’s showing interest in you and the next he’s blowing off plans or going AWOL, this is often a huge red flag that the relationship’s not progressing. Mixed messages can make your relationship stall and even run out of fuel completely because you don’t know where you stand and what he really feels, based on his yo-yo actions. Although you might hold onto hope that your partner will become more consistent, mixed messages are often a sign that the person’s not serious about you or taking the relationship to a higher level.
7-Too slowly: He Never Defines The Relationship
People define their relationships at different milestones. For some, that could be after a few dates, while others will only DTR after a few weeks. The important thing to do is focus on when it feels right for you to define things. If you’ve been dating your partner for months and he still hasn’t had “the relationship talk” with you and it makes you feel insecure in the relationship, then it’s a problem. It’s important to know where you stand with your partner and where you’re both headed so you can see if you’re a good fit for the long term.
6-Too slowly: He Doesn’t Mention You When Talking About His Future Plans
One of the biggest signs your relationship is heading for a dead-end is when your partner doesn’t include you in his future plans, especially if you’re always using “we” to describe your future instead of “I.” When he avoids doing this, it shows that he doesn’t see the relationship as making it in the long term. He might just be coasting along in the relationship, happy to keep it casual, for as long as it suits him. There’s probably not a future for your relationship if he’s always talking about his future without considering that you’ll be standing beside him, sharing it with him.
5-Too slowly: He Avoids Meeting Your Friends
When you’ve been dating for a while, it’s a good idea to meet each other’s friends. As Diana Dorell, dating coach and best-selling author, tells Elite Daily, the best time to meet your partners friends or let him meet yours is when you’re ready to be more involved in each other’s lives. It’s a big milestone! If you’ve been dating for many months and he still hasn’t suggested meeting your friends even though you both regularly spend time with those in your respective social circles, it’s probably a sign he doesn’t see a future for the relationship. If he did, he’d want to include you in his life in a bigger way by getting to know the people who are important to you.
4-Too slowly: He’s Not Affectionate, Ever
Affection is an important part of a relationship. It shows that there’s tenderness and a loving feeling in it. Without any affection, you can start to feel uncared for or that your partner’s giving you the cold shoulder. As reported by Psychology Today, affection can be seen as a thermometer that allows a person to measure their partner’s interest. While PDA might not be for everyone, if your partner never gives you any affection at all even when you’re in private, such as by kissing you, holding your hand, and hugging you, this is a clear sign the relationship’s fizzling.
3-Too slowly: He Doesn’t Invite You To See His Place
After months of dating, you should be invited to see your partner’s home. This is important because when he invites you over, he’s letting you into his private world. He’s showing you how he lives, what his lifestyle is like, and including you in it. If his home’s off limits, it could be a sign that he’s holding back in your relationship. As reported by The Star, there are various reasons why your partner won’t let you see their home. For example, there could be something about this home or personal life that he knows will turn you off; or he could be lying to you about something, such as that he has a girlfriend who regularly pays him a visit.
2-Too slowly: He Doesn’t Express His Emotions
It can be healthy not to let your emotions rush out at the start of a relationship. But, if you’ve been dating for a long time and your boyfriend never lets you know what he’s feeling or thinking, whether it’s about you or other things in his life, this can be highly frustrating. It’s also a red flag because it’s like he’s hiding away from you, and it can make you feel that he doesn’t trust you enough to share his innermost thoughts with you. That’s not exactly conducive to having a supportive, open relationship.
1-Too slowly: He Doesn’t Make Plans
If someone is serious about dating you exclusively, there’s no reason why they wouldn’t want to make plans with you. If you’re the one who’s always making plans and your partner’s going along with them instead of initiating date ideas, this is a problem. In the same way that texting each other should be balanced, you shouldn’t be the only one organizing fun date activities and asking him if he’s free on weekends. Your partner shouldn’t be lazy about dating you. He’s got to show you that he’s making a real effort to win your heart.